Lyrics : I’m Letting Go

Funny how the little things can stake a claim in memory, and
Treat time to last a hundred years
I swore that I'd be strong enough to drop my heart and pick it up
Make the great escape without a tear
I'm so naive

Dear fans, family, and the baby
I've had a lot of thoughts running through my mind lately
And the painters use bright colors whenever they paint me
But inside it's dark, and these burdens are weighty
And maybe being vulnerable in my position sounds crazy
But I'm not writing this for the bloggers or the critics
You're obsessed with me, we get it
I'm writing this for that one kid who sits alone in his room
And even on a sunny day, he sits alone in the gloom
And he starts hearing voices in his head, and he gets along with them too
And pretty soon, it's awful things he begins plotting to do
I'll never forget when I got told a fan of mine hung himself from a ceiling fan
I can't imagine what you must have been feeling, man
But I get it, 'cause I've lived it
And if it wasn't for Jamie, I, too, would have did it
And they said you wrote me a letter asking me to meet you
I don't think I ever opened it, and maybe had I read it, I coulda reached you
I swear I wasn't built for this
Some people see my popularity, and they would kill for this
But I might just get killed for this
Suicidal fans make me think I killed a kid
But how am I supposed to reply to every message I get?
I get handed stacks of letters, and I don't know what to do with it
I'm just a kid, myself, man, I'm telling you, I'm through with this
I don't think I'll ever get used to this
It's been four years of popularity, but I still feel new to this
You think the pace I keep is crazy, and I agree, it's ludicrous
But for some reason, I can't find a way off this roller coaster I found my way on
I've spent my whole life on stages, and now I just wanna find level ground to lay on
I'm so sick of this spotlight, I could live in the dark and be fine with it
But they keep handing me markers and stuff for me to sign with it
And half of the time, I'm tempted to write someone else's name and not mine
'Cause maybe then, this popularity can play games with their brain and not mine
'Cause what pushes me over the edge of stability is the years of lost time
My baby girl's six-months-old, and I've only been there for three
Maybe one day, she'll look back and say, "He's never been there for me"
And my worst fear is raising her the way I came up
I wondered what she'll feel in her stomach whenever they bring my name up
I just hope she knows I took everything I was given and threw it back at the dealer
I grew up in a cult, broke free, and came right back with a heater
And your daddy became everything they said that he wouldn't
And your dad lived to do everything they tried but they couldn't
And they talked about your daddy in their circles and their cliques
And they write about your daddy's hurdles just to get clicks
But mostly they just wanna be your daddy 'cause inside they're insecure
But they can't be your daddy or stop your daddy, and that offends them more
But your daddy refused to let their gossip stop him
And your daddy doesn't care that they're angry that they're not him
Your daddy has problems all on his own, but thank the Lord that daddy's God is still on His throne
I don't need anybody or anyone, I got here on my own
Just me and Jesus, and that's it
People from my town tried to stop me but couldn't hack it
I learn to fly from that trash, so I guess they're right when they call me a maggot
But most of us are, even though we think we're butterflies birthed from a cocoon
I'm thirty-years-old with the feeling I'm leaving Earth pretty soon
But I guess you gotta do what you can with what you've been given
I wouldn't be here without my haters, their attacks keep me driven
They're stuck in puddles, but I packed my bags on a mission
I'm alive, and they're dead, so shoutout to the small town dearly departed
300 million views later, and we're just getting started
I just keep carrying the weight of the world on each shoulder
And maybe my baby will see all I did for her someday when she's older
And if I'm not around then, I hope somebody will let her know
As for now, I'm taking these insecurities, and I'm letting them go