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I’m Letting Go
by
Clayton Jennings
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Funny how the little things can stake a claim in memory, and Treat time to last a hundred years I swore that I'd be strong enough to drop my heart and pick it up Make the great escape without a tear I'm so naive Dear fans, family, and the baby I've had a lot of thoughts running through my mind lately And the painters use bright colors whenever they paint me But inside it's dark, and these burdens are weighty And maybe being vulnerable in my position sounds crazy But I'm not writing this for the bloggers or the critics You're obsessed with me, we get it I'm writing this for that one kid who sits alone in his room And even on a sunny day, he sits alone in the gloom And he starts hearing voices in his head, and he gets along with them too And pretty soon, it's awful things he begins plotting to do I'll never forget when I got told a fan of mine hung himself from a ceiling fan I can't imagine what you must have been feeling, man But I get it, 'cause I've lived it And if it wasn't for Jamie, I, too, would have did it And they said you wrote me a letter asking me to meet you I don't think I ever opened it, and maybe had I read it, I coulda reached you I swear I wasn't built for this Some people see my popularity, and they would kill for this But I might just get killed for this Suicidal fans make me think I killed a kid But how am I supposed to reply to every message I get? I get handed stacks of letters, and I don't know what to do with it I'm just a kid, myself, man, I'm telling you, I'm through with this I don't think I'll ever get used to this It's been four years of popularity, but I still feel new to this You think the pace I keep is crazy, and I agree, it's ludicrous But for some reason, I can't find a way off this roller coaster I found my way on I've spent my whole life on stages, and now I just wanna find level ground to lay on I'm so sick of this spotlight, I could live in the dark and be fine with it But they keep handing me markers and stuff for me to sign with it And half of the time, I'm tempted to write someone else's name and not mine 'Cause maybe then, this popularity can play games with their brain and not mine 'Cause what pushes me over the edge of stability is the years of lost time My baby girl's six-months-old, and I've only been there for three Maybe one day, she'll look back and say, "He's never been there for me" And my worst fear is raising her the way I came up I wondered what she'll feel in her stomach whenever they bring my name up I just hope she knows I took everything I was given and threw it back at the dealer I grew up in a cult, broke free, and came right back with a heater And your daddy became everything they said that he wouldn't And your dad lived to do everything they tried but they couldn't And they talked about your daddy in their circles and their cliques And they write about your daddy's hurdles just to get clicks But mostly they just wanna be your daddy 'cause inside they're insecure But they can't be your daddy or stop your daddy, and that offends them more But your daddy refused to let their gossip stop him And your daddy doesn't care that they're angry that they're not him Your daddy has problems all on his own, but thank the Lord that daddy's God is still on His throne I don't need anybody or anyone, I got here on my own Just me and Jesus, and that's it People from my town tried to stop me but couldn't hack it I learn to fly from that trash, so I guess they're right when they call me a maggot But most of us are, even though we think we're butterflies birthed from a cocoon I'm thirty-years-old with the feeling I'm leaving Earth pretty soon But I guess you gotta do what you can with what you've been given I wouldn't be here without my haters, their attacks keep me driven They're stuck in puddles, but I packed my bags on a mission I'm alive, and they're dead, so shoutout to the small town dearly departed 300 million views later, and we're just getting started I just keep carrying the weight of the world on each shoulder And maybe my baby will see all I did for her someday when she's older And if I'm not around then, I hope somebody will let her know As for now, I'm taking these insecurities, and I'm letting them go
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