Lyrics : What Will You Do?

Here I am again, broken and ashamed
I don't wanna see another mirror or hear another audible proclamation of my name
Because if you could see me right now, your impressive thoughts about my spirituality just wouldn't be the same
And I'm afraid that this time I walked a little bit too far away
That I crossed some sort of invisible line or so say the voices of doubt in my mind
But I looked, and I can't find
Because I'm so blind
I'm so lost, and I'm so sorry
Because I walked away again
Because I didn't love You as much as I love my sin
Because my faith is weak and my skin is thin
And every time I look in a mirror, I wanna spit because all I see is a Godless boy among Godly men
Do you ever wonder why You even love me?
Because I wonder why You love me all the time
I wonder what You see in me when I cross Your mind
Because all I see is a sinful mess bound to be another letdown
Destined to say I'm sorry again with my head down
Because this world looks so good with a pretty girl on a sleepless night
But now I have sleepless nights and secret fights
All because selfishly I set my sights on self-satisfaction
It's crazy how you can damage your life from a number on a napkin
3-6-5 is what she wrote, I don't care to remember the rest
'Cause those first three digits hit me like a slug to the chest
'Cause I'm one year older and closer to death
So all I can say right now is that I need You
I need You like a drought needs the rain
I need You like a winter storm needs the warmth of summer rays
I need You like an orphaned child needs his dad's embrace
I need You
I wanna look in the mirror and see Your face
I wanna feel Your grace
Because this is not my home, I was made to be with You somewhere out past outer space
I'm an astronaut so bound to this world I feel out of place
But if that's the case
Then why does this world feel so good with every lust-filled taste?
And I preach Jesus, but I deny You to Your face
I'm painfully aware of the perpetual stare in the mirror of a pale-faced kid
Who wouldn't dare deny You with my lips but rather with my care
Because I don't care
I wanna look like I love You more than I wanna love You
I'd rather talk about You than live like You
Praise You but not pivot and purposely present myself before You with purity because I'm passive
I care more about keeping up a fake vision of tradition so lost in religion
That I forgot it's about a relationship
A relationship that in my schedule I could never make fit
I just faked it, so many years wasted
I forgot about Your grace and the first time I tasted it
I chose everything else over the one thing that I needed
I chose this world over Jesus, bondage over freedom
So now I can't help but wonder
What do you think when you think of me?