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The Best Christmas Song Ever
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Lewis: We're finally here Simon! The North Pole! Simon: Oh, I can't wait to meet him Lewis! I wonder why he invited us here?! Santa: Ho ho ho! Lewis! Simon! Please come in! Now, you're probably both wondering why I invited you here. So let me tell you, in a song! Christmas is a special time of year Elves: (A special time of year) It's so joyful, it fills your heart with cheer (Your heart with cheer) As Santa, it is my job to spread a little joy (Spread a little joy) And to give all the good boys and girls a brand new little toy (Ahh-hhh) But thеre's one thing I hate at Christmas, I must admit (I hatе Christmas) Between you and me, the songs, are a little bit sh*t (Ahh-hhh) That's why you're here, in my grotto The best song writers I know I want you (He wants you) to write me (To write him) the best Christmas song (Eeeevvvv) ever (eeerrrr) Oh we'd love to Santa, but-- Or I'm going to f**k you up I beg your pardon? That's right If you don't write me the best Christmas song I'm gunna f**k you up, all night long I'll work you harder than I work the elves Make you wish, you were down in hell I am the North pole's reining heavyweight champ So do as I say, or on your head I will stamp If you don't write the best Christmas song ever Now get to it! Simon, what are we going to do? There's no way that we can do this, he'll turn us into reindeer food There's just no way that we can write A better song than Wham in just one night Oh come on Last Christmas ain't even that good Get it together Lewis We've got to do this We can't let him f**k us up With our heads combined We'll blow his mind All we need, is a Christmas miracle And then we'll (And then we'll) We'll write him (We'll write him) Together: The best Christmas Song Ever But what should be in the best Christmas song ever? What should it be about? Oh, I've got a few ideas Lewis The best Christmas song Should be about a snowman Or maybe the elves, or a Christmas tree Or how Christmas began Oh the best Christmas song is full of joy and fun And singing out with everyone It's about that feeling you get deep inside And roasting chestnuts by the fireside Oh my god - we're actually doing it Simon I knew I could do it Lewis, now what else makes the best Christmas song ever? It's about decking the halls, Dancing around the Christmas tree Don't forget, the baubles and tinsel And kids on Santa's knee Oh the best Christmas song is almost done I'm sure it will chart at number one Let's celebrate with some sherry from my cup Now he won't need to f**k us up! And now we've Written him The best f**king Christmas song Ever I'm baaaacccckkk Where's my f**king song? Right here Santa! Well, let me hear it! Yes yes, right away Santa! *pause* Simon, press play Oh yeah *Jingle Cats Plays* What the f**k is this? Well it's a jingle cats and- Everyone loves cats- Am I some kind of joke to you? I thought... I asked you To write me The best Christmas Song Ever And you've only f**king gone and done it! Hurray! This is the best Christmas song I've ever heard! The idea of combining existing Christmas songs And cats, it's so original! Haha - yeah... Ermmm I love it! Oh ho ho, if I found out you stole that idea from somewhere else I'd have to f**k you up, ho ho ho! Just kidding! Haha, well we're really glad you like it Santa But we'd better be off! *Whispered* Simon lets get out of here Oh ho ho, so soon? I was going to make eggnog! Ooooh eggnog! Oh go on then, just one Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas You wrote me We wrote you All: The best Christmas Song Ever
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