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The Amazing Fantastical History of Mr. Willy Wonka
par
Original London Cast of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
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Letra
(Charlie’s home is a one room tumbledown shack under a railway arch. He finds his grandparents waiting, as they always are, all four of them in the same old bed. As they wait for their cabbage soup to boil, Charlie notices there’s just time for a story, the only question is: which story should it be?) Ten minutes till dinner, just enough time to hear the story of Willy Wonka! Didn’t we tell you the story of Willy Wonka last night? No… I have a distinct recollection of telling you the story of Willy Wonka just last night. And the night before that. I don’t mean to be rude, Grandpa Joe, but you are getting a bit old and, well, maybe a bit forgetful? Have we really never ever told the boy about him? Not once! Well, for his entire life the tot has not once told a lie. I told you so. But can we answer all his queries? Can we cover all the theories? All the bed's a stage so, dearies, Let us try! What a clever man he is This Mr. Wonka There's so many tales to tell All about the tasty sweets That made the people Gather round for just one smell Children gnawed While in their rompers Chocolate eggs between their chompers Till a tiny bird was perched upon their tongue Yes, Mr. Willy Wonka Has a sex appel what makes me feel young! There I said it! Oh, you little minx! From all around the world They called on Mr. Wonka Kings and queens and presidents Even down in Rome The Pope left home And in the fact'ry took up residence Dalai Lamas and their mamas Had such episodes and dramas Even Gandhi got himself into a brawl For Mr. Willy Wonka We all sing for he's the king of them all There were sugar balloons And macaroons 'T'were feathery sweets And marshmallow treats Transforming wheezing geezers to a child And let me say that Mr. Willy Wonka Whips a swirl what makes a girl go wild Well, he does! Tell the one about the Indian Prince The one about Prince Pondicherry Oh, you like the scary ones, don’t you, Charlie? (sung) Willy Wonka went to India Near the kingdom of Madras Where he met Prince Pondicherry Who was rich but awfully cra** He had wed a Maharani Who craved chocolate for each meal So he called up Willy Wonka And he said "Let's make a deal! I will pay a million rupee For a house to please her belly We will be the talk of Punjab And the toast of old New Delhi!" "I will gladly build this fortress", Wonka said "But just one thing… It will be nice for the winter But it won't last past the spring" "For the sun will make a river Of this chocolate Taj Mahal "And you'll end up in hot chocolate With your chocolate femme fatale But the prince, he wouldn't listen "Use a bonbon for the dome I won't rest until my missus Eats me out of house and home" And so Wonka built a showplace But when Summer came around All the walls began to melt Till every ceiling hit the ground And the prince and princess perished Drowning in the chocolate flow Yes, they died 'cause they were greedy Ah, but what a way to go! Oh, but Charlie, then the spies came Fickelgruber… Prodnose… And Slugworth! Stealing every new invention as soon as it appeared. Wonka closed down the factory and no chocolate was made for a very long time… But then one night the lights came back on again And strange shadows appeared at the windows. Yes! The factory was up and running again! But how? Nobody’s ever got in and nobody’s ever come out. And that is one of the great mysteries of the chocolate making world. Yes, the smoke returned to the chimneys But the gates stayed locked and chained And strange shadows… Ghostly shadows! Appeared at the window, unexplained Yes, out went Fickelgruber, Prodnose, Slugworth No one went in, which is quite bizarre. But the factory churned And the sweets returned If we could only afford one bar! So, Charlie, now you're up to date on Willy Wonka Now you know what he's about Though it's a crying shame that no one's going in At least the chocolates still come out Now once again each mother's daughter Feels her mouth begin to water In Brazil they gave up coffee For a taste of Wonka toffee Now each nose with sense olfactory Thinks the fact'ry's satis-snack-tory For a single whiff I might commit a crime! Yes, Mr. Willy Wonka's… Like I said …A man ahead of his time! I’ve still got it! I’ve slipped a disk. I think I need a pee. I think I just had one.
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