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Black friends
by
Ziwe Fumudoh
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Lyrics
You know that wasn't black face, right? What?! At the Halloween party It was just self tanner I'm not racist Okay... How many black friends do I have? Uh, I didn't really ask... Ah sh*t, son Too many to count Here are some of my favorites... Please don't list them I'm going to list them So you KNOW I'm not racist This is problematic Marcus is the best dancer David gives the best advice Monica makes the best soul food And Rodger's my homeboy for life Black friends (Ziwe: Hey man, you don't have to list them out ...) Black friends (Ziwe: ...like a Pokémon rap or something) They are my best friends (Ziwe: Also, a lot of these people seem...) In the world! (Ziwe: ...like huge stereotypes) Ha ha, no way, man! The sweetest man I know is Chris The toughest guy I know is Ron All these people definitely exist And I think racism is wrong! Matthew is a great rapper Thomas is a whiz at math Kanye is a beat maker And Chappelle makes me laugh! Black friends (Ziwe: Wait, sorry, did you say Kanye and Chappelle?) Black friends (Ziwe: You're friends with them?) They are my best friends (Patti: Yeah I'm friends with all of them) In the world! (Ziwe: All of them?) Yeah! Here are just a few more... Zendaya, Drake, Killmonger Key and Peele, Obama! T'Challa, Don Cheadle, Shuri Tia and Tamara! Urkle, Django Unchained, Blade Morpheus, Frozone! Oprah, Nelson Mandela Bubba Gum Shrimp, Raven Symone! Black friends (Ziwe: Half of those people are Black Panther characters) Black friends (Ziwe: I'm starting to think you don't know any Black people) They are my best friends (Patti: Dude, you're hilarious) In the world! (Patti: That's why you're my best friend) Black friends (Ziwe: Best friend? I just met you at this Wendy's bro) Black friends (Ziwe: You just started talking at me) They are my best friends (Ziwe: Do you know any normal, like non-celebrity black people?) In the world! (Patti: sh*t son, I thought you'd never ask...) Deion, Deiondre, Dele Denzel, Dewayne, Dikembe Duante, Jamar, Jevonte Kadeem, Kendis, and Kentay Black friends (Ziwe: Dude, I just saw you take out your phone ...) Black friends (Ziwe: ... and Google "Popular Black names") They are my best friends (Ziwe: What's your problem?!) In the world! (Patti: My problem? I'm friends with too many Black people) Too many? Yep, including this choir She is friends with all of us, Lord! She is friends with all of us, Lord! She's not paying us to sing this song! Ladies and gentleman, my best friend Aretha Franklin Nope! She's dead! Yeah-e-yeah-e-yeah-e-yeah-ah-ah Man that actually was the most racist thing I've ever heard Thanks Shwanna Peace! You'd be an iconic guest Yeah, that's what I said What did you hear?
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