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Fables & Legends (Skit 2)
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Value Select
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King: "Wait, I believe you! There's no need to guillotine your p*n*s." Value Select: "Thank you, my King." King: "So that's what happens when you have too much sex." Value Select: "That's right. You get so good at it, you're forced to castrate yourselves." King: "Bless you, fair traveler, for showing me the joys of abstinence." Guard: "Everyone, the kingdom is saved. Three cheers for Value Select! Hoorah!" Audience: "Hoorah! Hoorah!" King: "For this, I shall reward, with a golden bird. A golden apple. And all 37 of my daughters who are also made of gold!" Incel: "Enough's enough! Value Select: "What?" Incel: "Quit screwin' around!" Value Select: "Uh, who said that?" Incel: "I did! 'Scuse me." King: "What the Hell, man. We're just tryna put on a show." Incel: "I don't like the way you're doin' it." King: "Doin'-?" Value Select: "Why not?" Incel: "I came here to listen to the songs, not see these skits. Now get back to the songs or I'm gonna have to battle you! And I'll battle you! And I'll battle... him! I don't like how handsome that guy is! He's distracting from the audience!" Guard: "Hey, you leave that handsome man alone!" Incel: "What the f**k did you just say to me?" Guard: "Hey, you leave that handsome man alone?" Incel: "That's it, now you've made me angry. Get ready to put your hands up!" Value Select: "Whoa, God, easy there big guy. You don't gotta pull out a gun." Incel: "Really?" Value Select: "Yes. Of course." Incel: "But, Mr. Select, that's all I know. You see, my father was a gun." Value Select: "There are far more effective ways to hurt somebody without ever even touchin' a gun. Here, I'll tell ya about it."
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