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All the way from the Shire
To a big screen star
I'd leave you with a bruise
But you've already got a scar
You're rollin' with some misfits
And I'm rollin' with a ranger
I've got the queen of elves
While you've got Hermione Granger
So take a back seat
Cause you're steppin' on my turf
I'm the hottest thing since Smaug
To ever hit Middle Earth
No, this isn't battle
I think it's more like a slaughter
You'll need some more training
So go back to school, Potter
In Witchcraft and Wizardry
I'm the number one draft
I really don't have time
For hairy muggles cut in half
Perhaps you are mad
Because I'm up and taking flight
I'd let you ride along
But you're not quite the right height
I made it from the staircase
And I'm about to ditch the fam
It wasn't a love story
Like what you've got with Sam
And yes, I've got a scar
I'm the Boy who Lived
And you're the boy who couldn't grow
Let me find your bib
Look, I'm a big fish
And you're a tadpole in a pond
And we all know that Dumbledore's
Been playing with your wand
Listen, we all know that
You're out of your league, Harry
I've got Sting on my hip
And you're a little Quidditch fairy
I've got the one ring
That's gonna rule them all
And I'm twice the man you'll ever be
At three feet tall
I was climbing Mt. Doom
While you played with your cloaks
I'll make you disappear
Just like Baldy did your folks
Alright, time to get real
You little hairy footed elf
I'll skin you and stuff you
And sit you high atop my shelf
Stay out of my kitchen
If you cannot stand the heat
Besides, it's a fire hazard
With those beards on your feet
And Quidditch is a game of skill
You really wouldn't know it
Your only instinct with a stick
Is to grab the thing and blow it
And I've got a film idea
If your story isn't through
Call it Frodo and Sam
The Notebook: Part Two

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