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*screams* We’re all DOOMED! *sobs* People are breathing out this living poison! It's trying to float into my orifices! I lost my car keys! I had to steal my neighbor’s Segway to get here today, and on the way I crashed in this dumpster, and these kids were making a video and now I’m on TikTok! I can't... Excuse me. Yeah? Be not hysterical? Despite, you know, things? Oh. I can do that. Dignified!

Gentlemen, welcome to the first Presidential Debate. Our first question, in the key of G sharp minor is:
Skoo-doot-in-do-dit
Do-be-did-in-bibbida-bobbida-boo, baba-do-dit
Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-doo-datten-do-de-do-din-bow-boo-sho-pa-ja-kow-bop-in-do-dee

I’m so sorry

2020's a raging hellscape
Any ideas on how to stop a worldwide plague?
We should be providing people the help they need
He knew back in February it was a deadly disease
What did he do?
He’s on tape acknowledging he knew (Really?)
He waited and waited and waited
And he didn’t even tell you
President Trump did a phenomenal job
People said that (Well)
We got the gowns. We made the ventilators, we got the masks
I don’t wear masks like him, every time you see him he’s got a mask
The biggest mask I’ve ever seen
The biggest mask I’ve ever seen

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