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Part One (Welcome to Ru-co labs) Better living through fake science (Welcome to Ru-co labs) The future is now and it's freaking me out (Welcome to Ru-co labs) They always said "consult your doctor before taking a new medicine", but what the hell do they know? (Tell it like it is girl) What we got in stock? We got tablets, drops, patches and shots We got liquids that can take you from whatever you got Have a sip, have a slurper if you can still swallow A hand full of promises, even though they're hollow Here at Ru-co labs we've worked so hard to make these drugs help you with your strife So check out these pills we're tuckin' 'Cause honey they're here to give you life (Welcome to Ru-co labs) O-M-G What? What's wrong? Boys don't make passes at queens with flat asses What can I do about it? Say goodbye padding and hello to... badonkadonk! And it makes your ass get a lot of humps It comes in a patch snuffed down by your snatch If it's a good batch then it starts to hatch Badonkadonk Watch out J.Lo, watch out Nicki, watch out Kimmy K 'Cause we about to break the internet every other day Got a new power bottom and it's on display It's got its own zip code by the way 9-0-2-1 Ooh, that's a big old ass My backside looks like a mountain pass Badonkadonks now available on the go In a perky powder that looks a lot like snow Put it in your salad or a cold ice tea But don't snort it up your nose, this ain't 1983 Badonkadonks! Hey Sandy, haven't seen you at the club lately Yeah well, I spent most of my summer working on my Drag Race audition That's not what I heard I heard you've been poppin' out at parties You don't mean? Sandy, no! Used to rule the clubs but now I'm stuck at home Suffering from a case of restless tuck syndrome 'Cause when I see a stud in a tuck that's cropped I can't get in my drag because my tuck gets popped But now there's a solution made by Ru-co, inc A handy little pill that makes your junk shrink! So easy, once a month just open up and say, ah When life gets to hard just take some Flaccida! (Flaccida, Flaccida) Flaccida saved my life and now I love it oodles Even 'round the pit crew I feel nothing noodles (Flaccida) Now illegal in 48 states Here's the tea about that old queen on Twitter You know that hateful bitch who's always so bitter She says that Gaga stole it all from Madonna What's next? Adopting kids from Botswana? She wears caftans and moo-moos, just like her idols What's in her gym bag? Viagra and midol Kids today are down hill, post Mariah And who's that new girl named Zendaya? (Fire!) Do you suffer from bitter old queen syndrome? Ru-co labs has a spray for that Trollvada, spritz a dab under your creamy under thigh And soon you'll be taking snapchats of your avocado toast For the love of Cathleen Turner what is happening!? Huh, oh my God, I'm obsessed with Miley's new single What's the new dating app? I'm ready to mingle I'm gender fluid and not into labels Cutting cords and getting rid of cable Part Two I don't just sit at dinner tables anymore, I flip 'em (What the hell?) Thanks Conflama (That bitch is crazy) I haven't had a sip of wine in three years, why? Because now I throw it in people's faces! Thanks Conflama Conflama, it's conflict plus drama You know what that equals, right? Dollar signs! It's what every reality stars got Yup, Conflama I put two teaspoons in my coffee every morning, good to the last death drop (Conflama, find a way to pull up tonight, Conflama) Bitch I'm from Chicago (Conflama, won't go home till we start a fight, Conflama) This ain't RuPaul's best friends race (Conflama) Go back to party city where you belong Bitch! The song is over Don't you tell me the song is over! (Conflama, it's working!) What did Tinderella say when she got to the ball? Oh dear Tinderella, why are you gagging so? What could I do? I bit off more than I could chew It's my great defect, I have terminal gag reflex Feeling stressed, choked a distant, gag reflex is so persistent Ru-co labs has a potion you can drink up any ocean! Now there's Swallowease Swallowease Swallowease is for princesses 21 and older and does not prevent the spread of stds Side effects include increased bitchiness, an unquenchable thirst, lower credit scores, and total a-stigmatization Thanks to Swallowease, I'll be ready whenever my prince comes (Swallowease) Did you see her shoes? (Yas queen) Aren't they so tacky? (Ya-as queen) Can you stop saying that? (Yas queen) I don't think you can? (Bitch whatta you mean?) Some queens are so annoying, their voices are really cloying Repeating the same words falling out their lips like turds Oh girl, you got drag-mouth, it's a bit problimary You need to read a book like right now, and up your vocabulary But now there's a fix when you come and go south All you gotta do is put this caulk in your mouth Caulk, as in C-A-U-L-K, get your mind out of the gutter! Anyone can use it including straights, bis, and gays It stops your loose lips from sprouting drag cliches Side effects include but are not limited to, YAS QUEEN! Damn now I've got it Good God Get a Grip Girl, okurr! There's a question, burns deep in my soul One that you, can only control From your lips, to God's ear There's an answer we all need to hear Tell me is there, an anal option? What's right for others ain't right for me, what I'm asking is biology RuPaul is there an anal option, for me? (For me, for me, for me, for me, me too) Five out of four doctors don't recommend Ru-co labs So kids don't do drugs Just love yourself so you can love somebody else Can I get an amen? (AMEN!)
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