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Middle... school... girlfriend
Sitting here in Earth Science class
Waiting for the time to pass

Waiting on puberty, and the lunch bell (Boop!)
Three seats in front of me
Sits Beverly (nothing special)
But one seat to the left of her is Heather (Heather, Heather)
My dream girl since sixth grade
Sure, that was only last year
But a lot can happen in a year
Like losing the perm and getting some bangs
Making the cheerleading squad
And developing other things...
Like that beautiful smile
I wish she was my
Middle school girlfriend!
What I wouldn't do-o-o
To see her in her headgear
In the moonlight
If she only knew that I existed
She couldn't resist this dude!
That's right, I'm a dude
Just look at my mustache
Um, uh, you're gonna have to get a little bit closer
See it? Right in there
You know what? I'm just gonna call her. I'm gonna pick up the phone, and I'm gonna call her
(Ringing)
Hello?
Um, can I speak with Heather?
Speaking
Um, hey, Heather, this is Zach. What are you doin'?
Nothing. What are you doing?
Nothing. What are you doing?
You just asked me that. Nothing
Oh. Yeah. Uh... um, will you go with me?
Sure
Ah... o-okay. See you tomorrow
Now that me and Heather are going together
We've got a unique bond that nobody can sever
Even though I haven't really talked to her
Since that night on the phone (night on the phone)
And I know she still remembers every word I said
That's what she's thinking when she's perched up on that pyramid
Saying, "Go! Go Eagles! You can do it! Number one!"
And look, her best friend's coming over to deliver a message
Because she can't leave her seat
Even during a scrimmage
Hey, Margaret
It's Zach, right?
Yeah
Heather wanted me to come over and tell you that she thought you were someone else the other night on the phone
And she's really weirded out by the way you've been staring at her the whole first half
And she wanted me to tell you to... stop
She used to be my
Middle school girlfriend!
I never got to-o-o
See her in her headgear
In the moonlight
If she only knew what she was missing
That she was ditching the future president of the Math Olympiad Club
That's me-e-e
Single and free-ee-ee
Oh. I think that's it. I think I just went through puberty

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