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I have no friends except for you
We stick together just like best friends do
You love my charm and you love my jokes
You adore the cigarettes that I chain-smoke

I am so glad I see you every day
You clean up all the messes that I make
I play with meat, there's a rotten stink
You think it's awesome when I spill my drinks

You are my only friend
My special living friend
The blessed time we spend

Like two gloves in a pair
You might always be there
Beside me everywhere

I crashed your car and it made me laugh
You bring me my cell phones when I'm in the bath
I love to sue you in civil court
But you complain and say you are so bored

I p*ss on the floor when guests arrive
And all our doorknobs are electrified
Shooting my guns while you meditate
Besties forever, yeah, it is so great
You are my only friend
My special living friend
The blessed time we spend

Like two gloves in a pair
You might always be there
Beside me everywhere

Cool dudes who get along
You say you're moving on
You always goof around

Once in a lifetime, yeah
Favorite and ultimate
You are my only friend

You are my only friend
You are my only friend

Stole your ident**y, bought some brand-new meat
And I hope we can do friendship stuff daily

We'll be friends for life, I'm sure, no crap
A pal like me, no, you can't beat that
If you ranked your friends, I would be number one
The reason? It's because I am so fun
You are my only friend

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