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Turning 30
por
Bo Burnham
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So, um... I've been working on this special now for six months. And... the whole time, I've had a... a goal in mind, which is: I wanted to finish this thing before I turned 30... um, because the idea of... of turning 30 while still in this f**king room, working on this thing alone, um... That just seemed... I just wanted to avoid that. So... And you might be thinking, "Well, that's fine. You know, look at you. You radiate such youth. You must not be turning 30 for years." And that's very, uh, nice of you to say. But the truth is, um, I turn 30 in less than a minute. So I'm just gonna sit here and enjoy... uh, my twenties, and then get back to wor...k Yay I used to run for miles, I used to ride my bike I used to wake up with a smile And go to bed at night with a dream, ahh! But now I'm turning thirty No! I used to be the young one, got used to meeting people Who weren't used to meeting someone who was born in 1990 No way! (Yeah, I was born in 1990) Now I'm turning thirty God, God damn it! I'm (Turning thirty, turning thirty) Turning (Turning thirty, turning thirty) Thirty (Turning thirty, turning thirty) I'm turning thirty (Turning thirty, turning thirty) When he was twenty-seven, my granddad fought in Vietnam When I was twenty-seven, I built a birdhouse with my mom Oh, f**k, how am I thirty? I used to make fun of the boomers; in retrospect, a bit too much Now all these f**king zoomers are telling me that I'm out of touch Oh yeah? Well, your f**king phones are poisoning your minds. Okay? So when you develop a dissociative mental disorder in your late twenties, don't come crawling back to m- I'm (Turning thirty, turning thirty) Turning (Turning thirty, turning thirty) Thirty (Turning thirty, turning thirty) I'm turning thirty (Turning thirty, turning thirty) And now my stupid friends are having stupid children My stupid friends are having stupid children My stupid friends are having stupid children My stupid friends are having stupid children And now my stupid friends are having stupid children My stupid friends are having stupid children My stupid friends are having stupid children Stupid, f**king ugly, boring children It's 2020, and I'm thirty, I'll do another ten 2030, I'll be forty and kill myself then
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