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Real Life
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Victoria Wood
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I knew a man who always worried That if knocked down by a nineteen The nurses who to help had hurried Might find his boxer shorts unclean And so he washed them all twice daily And when an accident occurred The doctor said sadly"I know what he has The poor man is dead. He's allergic to Daz" Cos this is real life Which is always such a mess Badly designed, under-rehearsed, no proper tunes We live in real life Which is not a nice address Needs doing up Needs some white paint, needs a few balloons Life is a fan club and I'm not a fan Life is a bran tub, no prizes, just bran Take one redundant bus inspector Who joined the long term unemployed Applied to funeral director Was taken on, was overjoyed He felt, as death is always with us This job at least would be secure He shouldered the coffin, the sun on his back The boss saw him smiling and gave him the sack
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