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Swave Sevah vs. Anderson Burrus
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Eight months ago, P told me I was gonna be on Rookies vs. Vets And since then, a lot of people been askin' me who I hope they put me versus next A top-tier legend, someone as dope as Nitty Maybe a mirror match, put someone like Charron against me I said, “Yeah, that’d be dope, but you know who I really hope they give me? A washed-up karate enthusiast who's over 60” When Swave looks at his career, he knows it's ending So he tries to Restore Order, on his show pretending Saying, “I relate to these young bucks, I know what’s trendy” Swave, the only similarity between you and a Young Buck Is that in 2005, you were close to 50! P, I thought you were jokin' with me…givin' me this old guy Swave WHAT!? What's up, y'all!? P, I thought you were jokin' with me, givin' me this old guy Swave Doesn't make sense when you first look at it, like Gjonaj’s name But I’m on a card with legends I mean, this seems weird I first saw Swave battle when I was in ninth grade And dawg, I've been skippin’ your rounds for 15 years! Just know that in 2022, I'm not playing no games I'm a true killer, like Bruce Jenner You could lose your career just by saying my name And to Charron- yeah! To Charron, Jones, Roc! Any one of y'all coulda took his place It’s like Pandora and PayPal To me, you icons look the same They were sayin' that I was all jokes Now they're sayin' “That dude's a monster” Said Mike P was the white GOAT, ‘til they met the Chupacabra I'm killin' everyone that crosses me, Smack, and that includes your sponsor ‘Cause people who try me once never try me again, like Exclusiv Vodka! I'm that nasty! But um…growin' up in Harlem, Swave studied martial arts And when it comes to karate, son's as sick as it gets He can do a front flip and a kick and end up in a split No gloves- he can! He can do a front flip and a kick and end up in a split No gloves, hittin' bricks, his blood drips on his fists I'm sayin'...Swave might be the most dangerous man in Harlem, ya know? …if guns didn't exist Unfortunately, Swave, they do! You grew up in Harlem? Studying karate? It's like being in the trenches of a war Where everybody has machine guns, but you're really good with a sword I mean, you idolize these karate guys as untouchable legends He asked Twitter “Name one person more dangerous than Bruce Lee” I don't know, Swave…anyone with a weapon? I mean, you criticized Nu Jerzey Twork for shootin' stuff with both hands Sayin' “Tighten up, young'un” Pssht - alright, loosen up, old man And I know y'all hate it when white guys get up here and talk about bangin' metal So I ain't come here with one gun bar… Yeah, I came with SEVERAL! I came in here strapped, preparin' for a war Y'all ever driven in a Tesla? Yeah, I got the handle in the door I could run through your entire tribe quicker than malaria Raise the strap, it's a dating app I could take out every single person in your area You think I'm friendly? I'm not, though Anyone in the room can get it like I'm spinning a bottle Your whole team duckin' shots from these semis and autos As bullets go by them like Demi Lovato! Homie, I- Y'all don't respect pronouns? What the heck? Screw it, y'all aren't feelin' that? I could put the guns down I'm not Mike P I don't have to Hadouken! or mimic Ken to brutally finish him I'm a boxer, I've been workin' on these movements in the gym Slip, roll, uppercut connects fully with his chin (*punch*) Then the room begins to spin… Lookin' like the shrooms are kickin' in! See, Swave, you can't do that You're too old I just doubt that your fif's c*ckin' If I hear a (*click-click*) from you, it's the sound of your hip poppin' You can only son gang-bangers, and that's just your big problem ‘Cause I'm not back-and-forth clique-hoppin' I'm more Macklemore, thrift-shoppin' This might surprise you guys…I'm actually not in the streets I'm just that white friend that T-Top calls to talk to police And you volunteer at inner-city schools Bro, I don't know what you thought you could teach You should know when there's only one white kid in the cla**, he's always gonna be the hardest to reach Go ahead and rap, man (*Swave lets out a sigh*) Alright, hold on, hold on Okay, Swave, think logical How to get past this obstacle Get these people to rock wit' you Look who they got as an opp for you… Okay, say somethin' clever that'll rock the room No chokin', straight strangle Stay away from the race angle…impossible Alright, alright, alright (*Swave turns towards a member of his entourage while saying the next few bars*) It don't matter who you facin', right? You stay slight poised He bring the static, then you have him communicatin' through white noise Big game huntin' Test out a few of your nice toys Worse comes to worse, Alonzo from Training Day I'll just throw a SIG (cig') at this white boy Right? Aight, cool Mr. Anderson… Yeah, you knew it was comin' You knew it was comin' Never heard that Nah, this battle's unfair…for me ‘Cause you gettin' judged on a curve You can come out here and say the most outlandish weirdo sh*t And they'll probably love it But if I say it, I'll sound absurd They'll dub it So f**k it You know how I'mma deal with this? Skillfulness I'mma peel your sh*t I'mma pack you the f**k up and send this white boy on his pilgrimage I'm tryin' to figure it out though How you get here in the first place? ‘Cause your VerseTracker views low So how we figure he worth pay? Yo, say somethin' sensible like, “Yo, he funny, huh?” Don't tell me wordplay Sh*t, I'll even accept he the son of a Caffeine exec and it was “Bring Your Son to Work Day” I mean, what else is it!? I mean, honestly, I find him to be comic relief You know, he make y'all laugh, but none of his lines are really designed to believe But you and I? A Super Fight? Pfft! Yo, yeah right, this is suicide But you the guy The Crucible to cross me to get crucified The top dog they brought to a vet to be euthanized And I said yes to this sh*t!? But we here now, so it's do-or-die We locked in You and I, funny guy - no more options When me and him brawl, the Comedian fall: the Watchmen Hold on The cops find signs of struggle all inside his place And find his body wit' blood splattered on his smiley face Jokes!? You want jokes!? Yo, you look a nerded-out Shaggy from Scooby-Doo! Who spent time mastering Rubik's Cubes And actually tutor dudes on how to actively shoot a school Cool! (*chuckles*) Aye, be real wit' you Before I even knew who my opponent was P said, “Yo, Swave, your next opponent. I'm lettin' him battle ‘cause he gon' help me get my credit right.” I said, “WHAT!?” He said, “Oh, that and he said he fight.” I said, “Yo, P, I ain't even gon' lie. Whoever that is gon' die…and I bet he (Betty) White.” And what do you know? I was right! (*laughs*) Ayo, so let's all give Anderson Burrus our hand for his courage Before I kill him and put this body remains in the furnace! Smack, get him All his ramblin' to your cameramen gon' turn to panickin' And it's gon' get dark for Anderson quicker than it did for Anakin His face plastered on your brand could be damagin' So let him dial Eazy before I snap his neck And the only thing he gon' be (w)rappin' next is his bandages Homi… F**k is he talkin' ‘bout!? HUH!? Y'all got me f**ked up! Let's go! (*mockingly*) Homi… (*Swave chuckles*) Every time Swave raps, Team Homi gets very involved Me, I show up to every event by myself ‘Cause you know, most of my friends are married with jobs You call yourself the “leader of Team Homi” like it's some ma**ively huge flex If you wanna join, just message Swave and say, “Add me to the group text” That's all it is I mean, not only are y'all the least respected battle rap gang You're the largest in size, too I don't know if Rum Nitty's left yet, but he's probably tried to His phone rings “What up, Rum? It's Swave Haven't shouted out Homi in a while. Just wanted to call and remind you” Being on Team Homi, it's like being on an email list you forgot you subscribed to It's kind of an inconvenience But your lack of self-awareness is absolutely astounding You called yourselves “Team Homicide”? Like you don't- You don't hear how stupid that's sounding? Like, I don't wanna p*ss off Team Homi, guys, but what if they found me? They might… They might back me up into a corner and…and form a cypher around me! I mean, really, Swave? Really, Swave? Like, what are you gonna try to do? Lexx is a close friend, Xcel and I are cool I'm a pretty easy-going guy, Swave Your whole team loves me I've never met Sara Kana, but you know, she seems lovely I'm sure we'd get along But you put on this whole grandfather image ‘cause you want so desperately to be battle rap's Mr. Miyagi But you suck as a battler, Swave, and this isn't karate And a 3-0 in the building isn't a homi You don't have a team You have a group of friends who share a similar hobby It's weird! Speaking of weird, um… Swave has a song out called “Small World” that is shockingly not hard to find It's available everywhere YouTube, Apple Music, Spotify The song begins with Swave waking up after a night of drinking with a strange woman in his bed He sees some condom wrappers on the ground, and a bunch of thoughts rush into his head And he says - and I quote: “Shorty was gorgeous I pulled the covers back further, and her body was flawless” Yeah! (Woo!) He goes on to say - and I quote: “Sex was the bomb She freaky, we always gettin' off The way her walls be huggin' my joint, I was even hittin' it raw” Mmm! The best sex of his life He even wanted her to meet his daughter ‘cause he planned on making her his wife Then he ends the song by saying - and I quote: “Then I took her to a family function And after a brief discussion, found out we were cousins” (*The crowd reacts in shock and surprise to those last few bars*) Ayo, you love me You love me? Where's my water? (*to a member of his entourage*) This is gonna be crazy Watch this Ooh, I'mma reb***al his a**, I'mma reb***al his a** YOU HAD SEX WITH YOUR COUSIN!?!? After that, that's all Swave just stops rappin' Swave…for legal reasons, we have to know what happens! He ends it like… He's like, “I've been havin' sex with my cousin? Guess our relationship's in a rough spot.” NO! That song needs to end with a GUNSHOT! One of you has to die! You end it by saying “It's a small world”? No, no, “It's a small world” is what you say when talking about your favorite ride at Disney It's what you say when you're on vacation and run into somebody from your city It's not “I've been havin' sex with my cousin? That's what y'all are tellin' me? Oh, well. It's a small world!” NO! In 49 states, it's a FELONY! Do you not understand that!? Yo, this sh*t… Ayo, download my album! Swave- shhh! Swave be like, “Who says I can't have sex with my cousin?” LAWS! Now every time a Crip goes up to Swave and says, “What up, Cuz?” Swave goes…”Pause!” COME ON! (*The crowd continues to cheer for Anderson as Swave can't keep from cracking up*) Ayo, that was funny! That was funny That was funny Frickin' weirdo (*Swave cracks up again*) That sh*t trash Swave doesn't care about her looks Just wanna know what them genetics like Walkin' around braggin' “Yeah, my family's hella tight.” Gets off the phone with his mom She doesn't wanna have sex tonight So he pulls up Ancestry.com and tries swipin' left and right! You frickin' weirdo! Let me find out you and your cousin are getting married in some beautiful setting Y'all know I'm a videographer This will not be my first time shooting a wedding I will run down that aisle and pull out…a normal-lookin' pistol At first, you think that it's nothin' crazy Then you see me come out with an extra arm like you and your cousin's baby! I'm in my bag! No tellin' what kinda guns I'mma draw I brought extendos for your extended, and I'm dustin' ‘em all Kill your whole family, your uncle's brains now cover the walls Headshot your mom's sister… You gon' have to M.O.P up your mother-in-law, Swave! Go ahead and rap, man Time Ayo, this n***a's a funny dude Elephant in the room… You know, I got a lot of comments askin' me not to bring race up And I'm like, “OK, but...how?” I mean, you look up his background, he be talkin' ‘bout race in his battles He be usin' race in all his skits And I don't want you thinkin' that you can get away wit' this sh*t Ayo, you told a dude in a battle… “You know what rhymes with ‘Black university?' Lacking diversity” It hit harder in the room Yeah, I don't know about y'all, but that didn't work for me So I'mma ask you personally…you a racist? No? Yes? No? (*Anderson shakes his head “No”*) Alright, so what's up with that post you made wit' that Chess and Drake sh*t? You know you made a lot of people in this culture jump on your case quick But my thing is, I'm saying Come on, if you don't feel you was wrong, then why you erase it? Only to replace it wit' a bullsh*t post givin' another bullsh*t explanation! Like, “Yo, why y'all mad? The dude in the original post wasn't even Black. He was Asian.” I'll break your f**kin' face in Ayo, you a racist? Just say it! Embrace it I promise your death will be swift and painless I grip this stainless, lift and aim it This little Irish man crib get painted WHAT!? Murdered! Easy! This sh*t different, ain't it? This agent done infiltrated Tryna convince my people that he one we can trust The type to be at a Black Lives Matter event fully covered up Vandalizing sh*t so people can think this is us! N***a, I'll fu- yo… Ayo, now you've come to battle rap to just lash out? Yo, what's this riff-raff ‘bout? Boy, I'll slap the Starbucks out your b*t*h-a** mouth! Don't play with me! Live on Caffeine! Yo, this kid fake He ‘bout as misleading as clickbait So no, dude, you're not a guest in hip-hop You'se a mistake! F**k outta here… Oh yeah! You speakin' for T-Top now!? Alright, well, tell him come down if you handlin' that Let him know I will rival his Haymakers as soon as I'm finished this Anderson pack (*ptoo-ptoo*) And this sh*t wack! Yo, who got me losin' to this bootleg Mark Cuban? Y'all n***as make me mad Yo, check this out I will never lose to a dude that look like Ashton Kutcher playin' a meth addict on Breaking Bad Now go ‘head and make ‘em laugh while I decide what box to put you in Yo, he look like… He look like he gon' start a reality show called “Surviving Cyberbullying” Right? Talkin' ‘bout, “Yo, I started this show to help with mental health.” You imagine him on the show? Like, “This comment. This comment right here. This the comment that almost made me kill myself.” F**k- Yo, yo, but hold on! You put out a blog this morning, right? About me f**kin' my cousin? Right? Yo, this sh*t is insanity And comin' from you? You got nerve… White people stay f**kin' they family! (*chuckles*) Right? All that sh*t you said to me, you coulda saved for your own Yo, you ever watch white p***? T**les be like “F**king My Sister While My Mother's Not Home” F**kin' got nerve! You f**kin' crazy!? Get the f**k outta here wit' y'all bullsh*t! Go buy my album if you wanna know what's up Team Homi It's on my album Son of a One-Armed Man It's brilliantly written Team Homi - let's go Bro, I thought you were done rapping your round, like, five different times You wanna bring up that, uh… That meme that got me in some trouble on Twitter? Well, comparing your life to mine, mine's not such a mess ‘Cause I put Chess's face on an Asian girl Bro, you put your face in your cousin's chest! It's just difference! But you know, advocacy for incest aside, I really like you, Swave ‘Cause you use all these old-man expressions like “Tighten up, young'un” Y'all be actin' all goofy Swave, you remind of, like, a warm-hearted janitor in a basketball movie Y'all know how like in every- I mean, it's true Y'all know how like in all those basketball movies There's that one player on the team who's actin' out ‘cause he don't see his father no more? So Swave takes him under his wing and tries to offer support Tells him things like, “You know, the real game begins when you step off of the court.” And gives weird metaphors like: “You know, playin' basketball…it's a lot like moppin' a floor.” Like, weird stuff like that That's Swave- F**k outta here, B -but as a battler Can't you see it? It's Swave, but as a battler As a battler, you're absolutely awful Every time you perform, the crowd gets bored Swave, you look like you're getting ready to tell us all about the war You should've quit when you were popular, back in 2004 (Aw, sh*t…) And I'm mad at how long we've allowed this for It's got me frustrated Like fellas, y'all ever don't wanna be late somewhere ‘cause your girl's takin' forever to get ready And she's still askin' you stupid questions like, “Do you like this outfit or this outfit more?” Basically, what I'm saying is, Swave: It's taking us way too long just to get you out the door! I'm SICK of it! You entered Ultimate Madness 3 thinkin' you were gonna land 100 grand? Swave, all you are is Head I.C.E, except you're a little easier to understand That was fire, that was good All you are is Head I.C.E, except you're a little easier to understand I mean, the past 12 years have been a nonstop losing streak You have never been good But what's messed up is you're not even as good as you used to be We only know you because of Mook and Lux, which is embarra**in' You owe your entire career to Friends, like Jennifer Aniston No social media presence, and that's why you get viewed less Which is why you have a blue belt and Lux has a blue check You've done nothing memorable No performance has been a game-changer You've been battling for 20 years, barely given us a haymaker I mean, a Swave. Sevah. Haymaker If I asked this crowd to name one I'd have to give you all a moment Which is more than he's ever done! And just the fact that you struggle with that Only goes to prove my point that you are stuck in the past Ridin' around, bumpin' Inspectah Deck, playin' “Protect Ya Neck” ‘Cause it brings you back to those old days that you wish you could relive But you're 87 years old, Swave, and Wu-Tang is for the KIDS! You haven't evolved! Which is why, in this new era, you don't do too well See, I've gotten hotter over time like NuNu Nellz He can't out-rap me, out-perform me, and he definitely doesn't write as good I'm just better It's black-and-white, like every picture from Swave's childhood! I AM... Oh my God, what number is that? Old joke after old joke after old joke I am Rookie of the Year Because you know what SMACK needs? Somebody who can balance bars and jokes on Caffeine And I work hard, day and night, to give you those exact things But y'all have no idea what all goes into this like the COVID vaccine See, I first got into bars back in middle school like a fake ID Now when small leagues want good footage, they call me I'm both rapping and filming to help make y'all see I mean, not to rip off Lu, but I'm a big dog, too And I got my paws in (pausin') everything like Ace Amin See, I give it all I have on this stage Let's just keep it a bean Like an atheist, I don't be leavin' (believe in) a thing But that's how I'm wired, so I continue to be a machine I'm talkin' wig on every rapper like Queen of the Ring! He's tryin' so hard not to like it I understand, as a battle rapper, our mission's evolving We're not here to impress fans We're here to impress the millionaires watching It is not about talent, but bringing in a huge check “Tune into Ca**idy vs. Freeway and see who gets booed less!” Frickin' awesome! That's the problem with most of you SMACK-era rappers who are wonderin' where the pa**ion went NewRL's been on the sidelines, just beggin' y'all to tag us in Mook sucks, Rex sucks Y'all keep bringin' them back again! Aye Verb hates women! Serius Jones trafficks them! We're less problematic! Hey! Mike P, start winnin' battles ‘Cause I'm ready for a challenge, bro I'm the best performer in my cla** I mean, I've really let my talent show So y'all gon' remember me like the Alamo or Lux's third for Calicoe What? Thought this white boy would get on URL and then disappear? I am NOT you Average Joe! I've been tellin' y'all… Thank y'all for havin' me, man Thank you, Swave Give it up for Anderson Burrus! Last round, Swave Swevah, it's on you Let's get it Oh, he's still rappin'? Swave SEVER Swave Sever Swave SEVER Got you - let's get it He's like “Swave Swevah” You're killin' me wit' that sh*t! Yo, Andy, what's your endgame here? You understand the rules, or no? Check this out - before you get out here foolin' folks I'mma give you some of battle rap's do's and don'ts I'mma show the way And the first thing I'mma say… Is you gotta watch some of these friends and the affiliations you make ‘Cause a lot of these n***as is fake Y'all n***as…lot of these dudes fake Don't make the mistakes of those like you in the past Like, it's conversations like these that woulda saved Charron from gettin' slapped And I love you Hold on - I love you, bro But speaking of Charron, ‘member when he battled Ars' and he pulled out the flag? ‘Member? Yeah, don't do that We here to rap Talk your sh*t, but be mindful of how you sayin' it And it's okay, you can tell your jokes But be careful who you playin' wit' Don't talk all this gangster stuff if you ain't really on no gangster sh*t Like, I seen you before You the worst, Anderson You like a bad version of Rone You like his multiverse variant And you got talent! You got talent! I hear your little bars and schemes But your awkward steeze, it come off more like Carter Deems See, you gotta toughen up You gotta toughen up! Listen, this is acknowledge- you should be acknowledgin' See, you gotta command your respect if you want a followin' as big as Solomon Yo, and there's a lot of girls and beautiful women in the culture You might even get you a nice piece But before you jump out the window and try to make one of them wifey You might wanna have a conversation wit' Mike P I'm just sayin', it might change your perspective slightly Man up, try to blend in, and try to act equal And under no circ*mstances are you to do videos with Avocado talkin' ‘bout Black people Right? Listen, the racial undertone blogs you do, please stop Quit bein' a f**kin' errand boy for T-Top And whatever you do, last but not least You hearin' me? Listen You hear good, but you gotta hear this You hear me? Yeah, I get you You hear me? I get you Don't ever battle B. Dot You hear? Yeah I'm tellin' you Yeah I'm serious He messed you up ‘Cause that boy gon' kill you And he ain't just gon' kill you He gon' have everybody in here wantin' you dead And then you gon' come back cryin' to one of us, and…I'mma put a gun to your head You gon' be like: “Yo, Swave, I'm sayin' don't kill me, please! I thought you was helpin' me build my success up!” And I'mma reply “I am! I think you got a brilliant career in stand-up So this is me giving you practice on how to deal with a Heckler” Stop playin' wit' me! You court jester…geek Poindexter…dweeb You herb…you soft You nerd...you a dork! I could come up wit' many other words to keep goin' But look around - you see here? You don't belong! Get the F**K on! Homi, man
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