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Rats: The Rusical
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The Cast of RuPaul’s Drag Race UK, Season 2
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Ladies and gentlemen Rupaul's Drag Race UK presents the worldwide premiere of Rats: The Rusical Can you fit up a drainpipe? Scavenge the bins? Have six thousand babies? Trial new medicines? Can you slip in the toilets? Spread death and disease? Do you eat your own feces? Mmm, better than cheese! Do you like biting children? Love causing disease? Let's terrorize humans, it's timе to infest! We're thе rata-tat-rats! Forgettable rats Parasitic rats Satanical rats Rata-tat-rats, sc*m of the night! Nauseating and ready to fight CGI's a mess and we have have human hands! What the hell is going on here? No one understands! Um, excuse me My name's Jane and I'm a little lost My owner's just flushed me down the toilet Ugh! Quit squeakin', kid! I'm Scat Rat, this is Scabies We're the hood rats that run these streets We only care about... RuPaul's Rat Race RuPaul's Rat Race Whiskers twitchin' RuPaul's Rat Race May the best rodent win! H-h-h-h-h-hold up, rewind that track! Rat-egory is... Bring it to the subway Subway, s-s-s-s-subway Whiskers, fur, claw, nose Comin' for y'all rat hoes This rat sick, tail for days Snitch! B*t*hes, sit and watch me slay Eenie, meenie, miney, mo Fake a** rats got nowhere to go I'm the big cheese, don't scatter please Gonna win this race, give the crown to me! Rata-tat-rat! Rata-tat-rat! Rata-tat-rat, rat! Rata-tat-rat! Rata-tat-rat! Rata-tat-rat, rat! RuPaul's Rat Race May the best rodent, best rodent win! What is this exactly? Is this a movie or a stage show? Andrew Lloyd Webber would never greenlight this mess What am I meant to do with this? Who are they? Ugh, they're the Rat Pack A.K.A., the extras We all thought Rats would be a huge success But looks like we signed up to a real hot mess Now that Oscar's are out of sight! We can't leave now until it's morning light The running time's (Too long) The CGI's (All wrong) Can we have a rewrite? (I don't think we can) We really, really, really need a backup plan Backup plan, backup plan Can we save this movie? I don't think we can None of this is real, it's all special effects I'm not too sure who does the final checks My bare arse came out on screen! And we're not quite finished, our hands are green The scale is wrong (All wrong) They made my tail (Too long) Can we have another movie? (I don't think we can) We really, really, really need a backup plan Can we save this movie? I don't think we can Everybody, quick! It's Depravity and her pesky sidekick, Diphtheria! (Oops) Wrong Rusical! (Eugh!) I'm the psycho killer, rat thumb on the trigger I'll destroy your babies, my bite will give you scabies! I'm the rat castrator, planning to kill you later I will feast your dinner, eat you up and make you willy Now I've set my trap! I'll get you, little rat! Now I've set my trap! I'll get you, little rat! I'm the sick and twisted rat that's been blacklisted I'll kill all the rats, feed them all to the cats! Now I've set my trap! I'll get you, little rat! Now I've set my trap! I'll get you, little rat! They've ratted on us! Quick, get out of here! Wow! Uh-huh, rat got your tongue? Who are you? My name is Evita von Fleas Wait, but isn't that a different Rusical too? Oh, it's all so confusing! Oh, don't cry for me, this is a way better part Hit it! The second you get a skin rash Feelin' like your 'bout to have a seizure It's the rat bite fever So trashy, so sexy Hey, won't you fill me in on how to get so sweaty? (Ooh, ah) Let me just spill you the tea I flash a nipple, I'm your filthy fantasy (Rat bite fever) Swing it, baby! Rat bite fever... Rat bite fever... Rat bite fever... Rat bite fever... Spread your legs and make 'em pee! Cover yourselves! My name is Dame Doody Stench And this Rusical ain't over until our last rat lady sings It's Specimen One, the oldest rab lat! She's got a few memory problems So I'll help her with this next one Flashbacks, all alone in the drainpipes She dreams of an uncaged life She was sickening then With frazzled fur and itchy whiskers The nights keep getting colder Keep back, hold your distance Disease is taking over Stroke me Who cares about hygiene? Just look at my mammaries! Please ignore all the pus Just a lab rat, a lonely rat Who yearns to be loved Look, my tail has fallen off Death drop! Augh! Shablam! Eewww... (Hey, look!) It's RuPaul-dronome! Who's that? Oh, shut up! The time has come To announce the winner of Rupaul's Rat Race Ten rodents stand before me Oh, seven rodents stand before me You've gotta be kiddin' Two rodents stand before me We did it! We killed the b*t*hes! Oh, rats! The end! (Uh-uh, no, I just got my nails done!) (Get that pu**y off me!) [scattered yelling]
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