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I'm Afraid
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I can't even lie, it's hard to commit When I find someone, I just convince Myself that she's like my last, it doesn't last and then we split This pattern is making me sick, trauma bond again and again Playing scenarios that don't exist, stuck in the past, I need a grip Loves a game and I let her win, I can't let nobody in She's left me damaged, caught her red handed She single handedly showed me when You give your heart, you'll get torn apart And left in the dark, it's hitting me hard Since you left your mark, emotionally scarred It is what it is, damn Inside my heart, lies a feeling of hate 'Cause after 2 years you still lied to my face I know you love causing misery, look at your history No wonder, nobody stayed Saw the red flags and thought you could change Was it your plan, to throw me away? Was it your plan to cheat all those days? What was your plan? There's a trail of victims laying behind you I died on that path You cheated on me, then played the victim f*ck I still took you back Got my new girl tryna pick up the pieces Got my new girl fighting all my demons Got me set back and feeling defeated And lately all I can think is, maybe I'm not enough Said I'ma leave, then called out my bluff You knew how to take my feelings And twist them I'm wishing, that there was just never an us Got my walls up, it's weighing me down 'Cause my new girl can't take them down I'm afraid she won't wait around Me being in pain must make you proud Questioning if she loves me, in this position because of me Bled on her when she didn't cut me, God this feeling's disgusting I don't want nothing but to be vulnerable now and get fixed Blaming her for a crime she didn't commit She's tells me again and again that Baby, I'm not like that, I'm not going to hurt you Yeah, just afraid of another mistake I am afraid I don't wanna get played I don't wanna give my all again Just see all of it being called out as a waste She affected me in multiple ways Threaten suicide, when I'd walk away Playing with my emotions just so I would stay And while I stayed I saw all her games She was a liar, she was a cheater Look what she done to me She even lied to my baby mama, so I'd lose custody, damn I got to let this baggage go, I got someone in front of me Who is in loves with me and, got her wondering If all her comforting is gunna work I'm still discovering, how all that suffering Got me uncomfortably scared to get hurt This is something no one deserves, nah nah Feelings inside, I feel people going to push me aside I'm traumatized, by all of the lies, I'm paranoid, and it coincides And i don't know why, always got fear in my mind Looking for something that's harder to find When you experience, betrayal like mine Your start to get blind to people that try, I'm Done looking back, I'm done looking back How can we ever build a future, I live in the past It's holding us back, you don't deserve that We don't deserve that, its time to detach I wanna last, I see who are and love who I have, I'm Done questioning if she loves me, in this position because me Bled on her when she didn't cut me, God this feeling's disgusting I don't want nothing but to be vulnerable now and get fixed Blaming her for a crime she didn't commit She's tells me again and again that Phone Call: I know it's not your fault I just, I get so caught up in my head Like I just, I can't manage the way that I feel sometimes And I just, I know it's not you, It's just Its just shit that I went through I know, I know, I know its not you though I got to fix that, I know I do
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