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Normal American Boy
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Original Broadway Cast of Bye Bye Birdie
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He's coming! He's coming! Conrad Birdie is coming! Hey Conrad, how about answering a few questions? How do you feel about joining in the Army? How does he feel? You ask how he feels? He's much too shy to tell you So, I'll tell you how he feels (sung) He feels brave and eager! Strangely humble! Proud to be a plain GI! He will gladly face those bullets For he's not afraid to die! For he's a fine, upstanding, patriotic, healthy, normal American boy! And that's why he volunteered for... Volunteered? I thought he was drafted! And he appealed... three times! Sing! We love you, Conrad Oh yes we do We love you, Conrad And we'll be true! When you're not near us We're blue! Oh, Conrad, we love you... Very nice! Say, what's the pitch on that Hollywood starlet, Conrad? Are you two engaged? Is he engaged? Is Conrad engaged? There's absolutely nothing to the rumor he's engaged! She's a real pal, like a sister, but it doesn't mean a thing! And that eighteen carat diamond, it was just a "friendship" ring! For he's a fine, upstanding, patriotic, healthy, normal American boy! Then why was her husband so mad? Sing! We love you, Conrad Oh yes we do We love you, Conrad And we'll be true! Oh I'll never forget what Conrad said when he found out he'd been accepted to the armed forces "Gee Mr Peterson," he said eagerly, "Do you suppose they'll a**ign me to the front line trenches? That way I'll get myself one of those dirty Jerries?" Oh, uh, Albert Or whoever is dirty this time Hey, Mr. Peterson, give us the scoop. Is Conrad still drinking a lot? Now listen here! This gossip must stop! He goes to church each Sunday and he doesn't touch a drop! He's as decent as a minister! Absolutely He's as sober as a judge! He subscribes to ev'ry charity! And his hobby's making fudge! For he's a fine upstanding, patriotic, healthy, normal American boy Is it true that you found Conrad in a Reform School? That is a lie! A lie through and through! I'll tell you where he came from, here's the story and it's true! He was born in Indochina He was born in old Virginie Son of missionaries there! On a thousand acre farm! Very poor and very hungry From a line of wealthy planters What a cruel life to bear! Full of genteel, southern charm! Then he drifted down to Hong Kong Every evening, by the river To a waterfront saloon! In the moonlight they would croon! That is where I heard him singing That's where Conrad started singing Undereath the Hong Kong moon! 'Neath that sweet plantation moon![A****s][Teens]Oh, beautiful for spacious skiesWe love you, Conrad! Oh, yes we do!For amber waves of grainWe love you, Conrad, and we'll be true.America, America,Oh, oh, Conrad, we love youGod shed His grace on thee.We love you, Conrad, and we'll be true.[All] For he's a fine upstanding, av'rage, modest, patriotic Healthy, normal American American boy!
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