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hotel hangover
par
Monte Booker
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In my bed, I'm hearing screaming again 'Nother argument 'bout how my daddy's fiending again White lies hiding white lines, now my momma come crying Pops steps out into the night, prolly to get high And I'm two years old, I didn't get it much Mom fending for herself, sitting on the bus Go to work with people who don't give a care about her Come home to a husband who don't care about her That's why I say I don't care about him anyway You yelling at my mama, I'ma yell at you to get away, hey I don't need this, how come no one seen this? There ain't no apologies, all of this unneeded You tryna front on my mama, curse on my mama Hurt on my mama, I hurt for you mama I was eighteen when I heard 'bout this drama Made me put talking with dad as a comma I pause, didn't understand how he could have them razor claws Sitting there in awe, man, you Told me that he missed my birthday to sniff Left you alone with two jobs and a kid Coke and the bottle, rolled up for the weed Had an addiction, the drugs that he need, uh He got violent, you gon' cry again How the cycle went, that ain't all One night the yelling got to be too much for both my parents Time was slowing down, the apathy was too apparent Clock stopped, he pulled a gun on my mom It's real life, there's no crowd, no applause My father changed for the better, that's all I really know But that doesn't change the way that I been feeling though So selfish, like I can't move from the past So selfish, like that man isn't my dad Sometimes I wish that he would call me first, but I'm just wishing Sometimes I wish my faith would ever work, 'cause I'm a Christian I don't know, I guess that I just want a better life than everyone said I could have I got problems and I can't just pin 'em all onto my dad I ain't dad, I ain't mom, ain't my uncles, ain't my aunts Ain't my problems, ain't my fault Ain't the rise, ain't the fall I'm me, I got issues that I'm working through all day I can't medicate with liquor, gotta find another way See, my father was a troubled man, but then he found his peace I believe in the Son of God, but He's too far from me I'm hungover every night, I'm not drinking, I'm just thinking If I made the wrong decision, if this life that I've been living Is the life that's meant for me, and sometimes it's hard to breathe No horizon I could see, when I'm thrashing in the sea When I'm dragged into the deep, I won't struggle Not too long until I check into the Hotel Hangover And I sleep, and I sleep
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