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When Velma Takes the Stand
par
John Kander
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Billy, I been thinkin' a lot about my trial. Couldn't I just Show you what I thought I might do on the witness stand? Go ahead Good! Hit it! Well then, when I got on the stand I thought I'd take a peek At the jury. Then I'd cross my legs like this, you know When Velma takes the stand Then, when Harrison cross-examines me, I thought I'd give 'em This...and then if he yells at me I thought I'd tremble like This..."ooh, no, please stop!" When Velma takes the stand Look at little Vel See her give 'em hell When she turns it on Ain't she doin' grand? She's got 'em eating out of the palm of her hand! Then, I thought I'd let it all be too much for me, like real Dramatic. Then, I thought I'd get thirsty and say, "Please Someone, could I have a glass of water?" When Velma takes the stand See that Kelly girl Make that jury whirl When she turns it on She's gonna get 'em goin' 'Till she's got 'em gone Ah! Ah! Ah! Then, I thought I'd cry. Buckets. Only I don't Have a handkerchief - that's when I have to ask you for yours! I really like that part. Don't you? Then, I get up and try to Walk; oh, but I'm too weak, and I slump and I slump and I Slump and I slump until finally, I faint! When she rolls her eyes Watch her take the prize When Velma takes the stand! When Velma takes the stand!
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