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Action-6 News
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George Carlin
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ANNOUNCER: Time for Action-6 News with Leslie Crotchmonger and d**k Hopshteckler. Here's Leslie with today's top stories. L: Good evening. First the headlines: * A giant man sh*ts on Philadelphia. * An old man shows his soiled anus to a waitress at an Olive Garden. * A small dog eats a man's balls and dies. * A crippled couple is arrested for f**king on a rollercoaster. Now the stories behind the headlines: In Philadelphia today, a giant man dropped his huge pants and squatted over Indepеndence Hall. He thеn unleashed a ... (d**k reaches over and grabs Leslie's script.) D: f**k you, you c**t! You did the headlines! L: Lick my as*h**e, you dimwitted prick! My name comes first on the opening announcement. D: That's because you blew the news director! L: At least I didn't blow a homeless guy who has the siff! D: Oh yeah?! Well, he wouldn't have the siff if you didn’t f**k him out back in the Dumpster! L: Eat my box!
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