AJOUTER PAROLES
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Half-Life 2
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Dan Bull
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Story time Twenty years since the incident at Black Mesa The G-Man makes the Freeman wake up on a train to City 17 Dystopian as a city's ever been Oh, see who's popped up on the screen Black Mesa's administrator; Dr. Wallace Breen But as Gordon arrives to step in the station He's pulled aside for interrogation Separated into a darkened damp room Hang on a second, is that not Barney Calhoun? It's hard to tell who's good guys or bad But they decide to rout through to Kleiner's Lab On the way, get a glimpse of the Combine empire Now, there's a raid, run, run, try and get far Scatter like a cat and a mouse in chase Now they found you they're smacking a baton Around your face, uh Wake up, wake up, Dr. Freeman Who's this face? He must have been dreaming Ha! Not a chance, that's Alyx Vance And by all accounts, she's about to gallivant Down to the lab with you just behind her 'Cause she'd got to find you for Dr. Kleiner This place isn't easy as A-B-C Super tough environment, here's an H.E.V. Suit Just in time to teleport you to all of the other scientists To support their assault But sod's law and of course there's a flaw And a balls up when Lamarr causes a fault And the forces that saw it are all on patrol Looking for Gordon, so, Gordon is forced to withdraw Down through the canals, f**kin' hell, better go hard "Yo Barney, chuck us down a crowbar" Running in, swinging it at them, going to twat them Splitting their scalp as if he's splitting an atom Picking up the pistol this prick was packing Dispatch the dispatched units attacking Train-hopping, got to save himself Popping into Station 12 Ain't stopping on the nature trail Been breaking cells and evading shells Dash, dead fast, into Station 6 Smash Headcrabs into bacon bits Whatever floats your boat, apropos to note The bloke rode a Motorboat 'til the rotor broke Whoa, bro! Those flows, just don't, f**king hell You're stuck in a canal so, get out Running for cover fast, funneling into a tunnel Wonder what'll come of that, going to get pummeled So, let a Vortigaunt fit a gun to the top of it So, none can stop it and then confront a copper That's in a Hunter-Chopper Dropping a hundred tons of bombs on top of us Pop, pop, Freeman's done with apocalypse Damn, how long did that take to reach Black Mesa East? Seemed like a couple days at least A crazed police state they were chasing Freeman Through water-ways and streets All the way to the door of his destination, jeez So, get the kettle on and make some tea, chai Got bread to break with Eli Mossman and Alyx and another little, green guy Now, we've had a minute, having some fun Got to get grappling with the Gravity Gun No ammunition, in this kind of cannon, there's none Pulling and pushing and grabbing is how the damage is done Now, come and meet Dog, he's a robot pet Ooh, can I stroke him? No, not yet! Hello, little fellow! Holy crap! You're tall! Go, go Dog! Fetch that basketball Oh god, heck! That's not a ball That's a bomb so, let's smash that wall and get on But then Gordon and Dog are separated and so Gordon heads on into Ravenholm Wow, hey! This place has really gone downhill Since we left from the station This neglect must be the effect of zombie gentrification Unless this statement's mistaken I reckon the neighbours' must have taken a vacation To a place that ain't full of the flaming remains of Ravenholm The failing favela full of razor blades to rotate and impale you Hey! By the way, this part's bloody gory I warned you too late, timing it poorly But, still, it'd be a far different story If Gordon hadn't found Father Grigori Who graciously donated a shotgun Shucks, mate! Always wanted one and now, I've got one They haven't got long, they're short of time But I'm sure there's a mine, they'll be sure to find Then Gordon goes on, leaves Gregori behind To race through the blaze to his grave It's an awkward goodbye, it's an awkward goodbye It's an awkward goodbye, it's an awkward goodbye It's an awkward goodbye Freeman sees that Eli's been shipped to Nova Prospekt So, he's got to hit the road and hope there are no upsets Reach the coast, there's beaches, docks Wrecks and bath towels like a TV boxset's plot Set in Nassau, a hot mess like trap houses Spot checks and crackdowns On crack rocks so, they have no option But to get up and crack scalps Then hot-stepping, flat out with the gas down 'Til the ash clouds are in the rear view mirror What? It's not got one? Don't book an mot, I doubt it'd pass now Get out the dying car to fight the Antlion Guard Say sayonara! Bye-bye to the giant fly 'cause by-and-large It's necessary pest control, swatting them like flies now Firing rockets off the top of a conical lighthouse With comical timing, the combine are like moths to a flame They must be like, "My god, we've lost him again!" It's not been the same Since Freeman got a box of Pheropods to chuck Now, the game's full of bugs, their QA Testers must have sucked There's such a bloody mess Looks like they crushed them with a monster truck It's just a clusterfudge of shoveled rubble, puddles, dust and muck Anyway, what is this place? Some sort of prison base? I reviewed it on Google Places, let's just say, it isn't great I've never had to look up prison riots on TripAdvisor Then again, I've never had to break out a Resistance Fighter The screws were getting turnt so, Gordon fricking lit them right up Leave their britches burnt as if they're bitten by a widow spider Isn't it nice to get a bit of quality time, Alyx? Just to find Mossman is a combine spy, dammit! I've had it with the two-faced snake And I very much doubt that my views may change Finally they find her, too late, mate Eli's in her noose, made to escape With great haste, teleports him straight to the Citadel Then vacates to the same place in it as well It may be dangerous, just a tiny tad But we need to take it to get to Kleiner's Lab So, climb in the back and let's split Combine are attacking, no time for Netflix No time to chill, we got to find the girl Quicker than Simon Cowell could frickin' sign a deal But on the other side, Kleiner reveals They've been stuck in time spinning on the ride like a wheel And a week went by in the blink of an eye That was seen as a sign, "Begin the Uprising" City 17, civil war, it's a living hell Even more reason for storming the Citadel So, let's meet Barney for breakfast We need energy for storming the Nexus Kill Combine, put it down on the checklist Didn't ring ahead so, I doubt they'll expect us But if they're trying to find us, they might just find us Fighting Striders like this, things are really popping off It's looking like apocalyptic prophecies Hypotheses were properly predicted Turn up as a person, you're going to leave as liquid When you going to learn to give Gordon Freeman distance He's not as masculine as normally depicted He doesn't have to be, the former laws have been restricted This protagonist is just a man who gets sh*t finished efficiently No matter just how bad it gets, the town burns, the valve turns A well learned lesson, now, we'll found out the outcomes Well, flipping hell, this is it We're in the Citadel now, didn't miss a trick But even if he did, Dr. Freeman is a wiz At retrieving opportunities from seemingly impossible Unfeasibly and inconceivably tough predicaments The Gravity Gun is pulling your muscles off your ligaments Pick them up and chuck them down an elevator shaft Particularly the ones who made our escapade a faff But admit it, this is pretty fun, ragdoll physics Spinning your head round like Dan Bull lyrics That captivating, you forgot to breathe Good job, we booked a meeting in with Dr. Breen So, hurry up, pull your socks up, we must proceed I know it's tough when there's, oh, so much to see But there's a job to do, prisoners to free It seems Mossman's role in this is not complete Unlocked, released, the team watch as Breen flees Up to the top to release the beast So, he must be stopped just like SOPA and ACTA Our only hope is a broken reactor But there's a bloke that we know comin' at you Froze motionless as if he's broken your back Well-spoken, you've seen him before You're without hope as he leaves through the door Well, what do you think a sequel is for?
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