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What Will You Do?
par
Clayton Jennings
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Here I am again, broken and ashamed I don't wanna see another mirror or hear another audible proclamation of my name Because if you could see me right now, your impressive thoughts about my spirituality just wouldn't be the same And I'm afraid that this time I walked a little bit too far away That I crossed some sort of invisible line or so say the voices of doubt in my mind But I looked, and I can't find Because I'm so blind I'm so lost, and I'm so sorry Because I walked away again Because I didn't love You as much as I love my sin Because my faith is weak and my skin is thin And every time I look in a mirror, I wanna spit because all I see is a Godless boy among Godly men Do you ever wonder why You even love me? Because I wonder why You love me all the time I wonder what You see in me when I cross Your mind Because all I see is a sinful mess bound to be another letdown Destined to say I'm sorry again with my head down Because this world looks so good with a pretty girl on a sleepless night But now I have sleepless nights and secret fights All because selfishly I set my sights on self-satisfaction It's crazy how you can damage your life from a number on a napkin 3-6-5 is what she wrote, I don't care to remember the rest 'Cause those first three digits hit me like a slug to the chest 'Cause I'm one year older and closer to death So all I can say right now is that I need You I need You like a drought needs the rain I need You like a winter storm needs the warmth of summer rays I need You like an orphaned child needs his dad's embrace I need You I wanna look in the mirror and see Your face I wanna feel Your grace Because this is not my home, I was made to be with You somewhere out past outer space I'm an astronaut so bound to this world I feel out of place But if that's the case Then why does this world feel so good with every lust-filled taste? And I preach Jesus, but I deny You to Your face I'm painfully aware of the perpetual stare in the mirror of a pale-faced kid Who wouldn't dare deny You with my lips but rather with my care Because I don't care I wanna look like I love You more than I wanna love You I'd rather talk about You than live like You Praise You but not pivot and purposely present myself before You with purity because I'm passive I care more about keeping up a fake vision of tradition so lost in religion That I forgot it's about a relationship A relationship that in my schedule I could never make fit I just faked it, so many years wasted I forgot about Your grace and the first time I tasted it I chose everything else over the one thing that I needed I chose this world over Jesus, bondage over freedom So now I can't help but wonder What do you think when you think of me?
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