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When I was 4 I was fighting for my life They stabbed me up with needles tryna get the treatment right I was scared I was dying like the kid the other night Cuz he ain't get the same meds that I did on the flight And now he's dead man that should've been me Like what if he was that dude who coulda cured a disease Or figured out a way to save us when the earth would deplete Or then became the f**king president who nurtured the peace I just don't get it cuz I ain't living my life Man all I do is sit at home and f**king b*t*h when I write Then f**k a b*t*h every night, instead of picking them right Cuz in my past every girl I had was picking a fight And it made me nervous, my circuits are shot and I don't care I'm tryna find the words that'll surface and find air I'm working to feel worth it I'm hurt and it's not fair Cuz I feel like I been searching for purpose that's not there And now I'm scared And now I'm scared And I don't like to talk about my feelings Cuz the man inside the mirror got some demons Motherf**ker and I'm scared And now I'm scared But I been acting like I'm okay Even though deep inside I been lost in my mind And I'm scared But I'm alive and well Well, I'm alive but I'm far from well So the doctors say I need to focus more on my health Because I rap to help you but it ain't helping myself I keep myself pinned down with the words that I spit Instead of moving past pain I indulge in the sh*t Look, you probably thinking it's hot But it caused my anxiety and that sh*t don't stop I can't even leave my house so I hide in my room Cuz everybody in my town talks down on me to They see me as a f**king rapper some delusional goon And judge me based off every lyric not the sh*t that I do And it made me p*ssed I'm b*t*hing but sh*t it's just not fair I'm itching for the figures I figured its right there The bigger picture I painted is failing to find air Cuz the genre started changing my brain is just not there And now I'm scared And now I'm scared So I don't leave my room too often Man there's to much talk around my name Motherf**ker now I'm scared And now I'm scared I don't do well when I'm lonely But I'm always by myself And maybe that's the reason that I'm scared For my family and friends that I made Cuz death is just around the corner that could happen today And sh*t I couldn't even fathom what my family would say If they seen me laying dead in my casket one day I seen my parents last week, I ain't seen them in months sh*t my mom looked nervous cuz I'm hanging with thugs And she's scared I'll OD cuz I got into drugs So before I thought to leave I went and gave her a hug and she latched on Like she won't see me again I got a feeling that the reason is the sh*t that I said I tell my fans everyday that I wish I was dead So I can finally be in peace instead of dealing with dread and it made me mad I'm passing the pain to my own fam I stacked all the odds in my favor to make rap Now I'm laughing about passing and having a whole gram Cuz I'm lacking all the passion I had and its so sad And now I'm scared
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