Got off the red high special from London,
I'd been over there four or five weeks,
Playin' gigs all over the place
From Inverness to Southend-On-Sea,
And me mates at the gate were waitin',
"G'day Kev" they all shouted in chorus,
I said "Hang on you blokes now look this is not a joke
But you's can't call me Kev anymore",
And they said "What? f*ckin' what?!"
Gotta call me Mohammed Arkmahr Lickmahass
Changed me name a bit since I seen you's last,
But I ain't changed I just changed me name,
To Mohammed Arkmahr Lickmahass..
At first they thought I was jokin',
But they know I don't tell 'em porky pies
I said, "You'll be trippin' on your tongue for a couple'a months
But you'll get used to sayin' it after a while,
Then the cans in the hands started shakin',
As they slipped from their grip and hit the floor,
I said I'm thinkin' 'bout this I'm not takin' the piss
You just can't call me Kev anymore,
And they said "What! f*ckin' what?!"
Gotta call me Mohammed Arkmahr Lickmahass
Changed my name a bit since I seen you's last,
But I ain't changed I just changed me name,
To Mohammed Arkmahr Lickmahass.
You see I ran into this Arab bloke in London,
He was drivin' a cab at the time,
Bit of a fender bender in the car park
And look, no one was hurt and we were both fine,
Yep just a bit of a scratch and that was that,
And, really no one was to blame,
So instead'a gettin' the coppers involved
We agreed to exchange names,
"What? f*ckin' what?!"
Swapped mine for Mohammed Arkmahr Lickmahass
Changed my name with him since I seen you's last,
But I ain't changed I just changed me name,
To Mohammed Arkmahr Lickmahass.
So if you see an Arab cabbie in London,
With a funny little thingy on his head,
And he's playin' camel music in his mini-cab,
That'd be him, that'll be him, that'll be Kev,
So slip him a tip if you think of it,
When he drops you off where you gotta go,
Then give him a decent slap on the back and say
"Mohammed says hello",
Then he says "What? f*cking what?
My new friend, Mohammed Arkmahr Lickmahass
He calls me Kev, funny bastard,
Hope he's liking his new name,
Mohammed Arkmahr Lickmahass.
Mohammed Arkmahr Lickmahass".