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Subway Churro
par
Saturday Night Live
Regreso
Letra
(spoken) Man, how long this train gonna take? It says the next one arrives in "forget about it," pff, I love this new mayor I'm starving, yo, newsstand guy, let me get a Snickers and a bag of chips I'll get you the closest thing, an Oh Henry! bar and a copy of XL B***s They still make Oh Henry! bars? No, and what does he want? Oh, nothing from you, I'm gonna go buy a churro You're buying a what? A churro, they smell delicious and that's saying a lot considering I have active covid You're sure you want a churro, an unwrapped churro from a woman pushing a laundry cart, who's holding it in her bare hands with a Starbucks napkin? Look, I'm a grown drunk man and I want a churro to eat on the choo-choo ride home Very well then, thе dye is cast, oh, mole person, why don't you tеll this gentleman what happens when you eat a churro from the subway? Some disgusting evening You will buy a churro A loose unpackaged churro And then your b*** will bleed And somehow you'll know As soon as you chew That an hour before you A rat bit it too (spoken) Wait a second, mole people are real? Of course, they're real, imagine how great that would be to live off the grid, no more endless texts or emails What? If I were a mole man Ya ba dibba dabba dibba dabba dibba dabba dum All day long I'd drink a shoe of rum If I were a mole person We'd never have to work Ya ba dibba dabba dibba dabba dibba dabba dum I used to drive an Amazon van Living in a hole is such a better plan Now you feast on old, discarded ham If I were a filthy mole man (spoken) Oh, wow, was that the actual cast of Fiddler? No, it's just a lunch break at B&H Photo Oh my God, there's a woman on the tracks Is that a ghost? No, she was just fired from Sleep No More, now she wanders the tunnels Is she okay? Oh, I'm more than okay I am high on bath salts Every night, every day In my mind, you three are demons If you touch me I eat your face (spoken) Woah, this is crazy I know, it's like are you even allowed to do South Pacific anymore? Wait, can you tell me where in the city we are? Oh, the worst part We're in midtown Where there's no food at night You're in midtown Where police horses fight You're in midtown Where the traffic lights are for show The land of finance bros (spoken) Hey look, the subway train's making its way into the station and it's got something for everyone Did he have a lisp earlier? Oh, the F local subway is a-coming down the tracks So please, let it stop for me Oh, the F local subway is a-coming down the tracks It's called the F because it's effing me I got bitten by a pigeon on my birthday In March I got airborne HPV Once I sat directly on the needle Our new mayor said he fixed it but I just got stabbed (spoken) Giuliani says hello Uh, this is the F train, running on the Q tracks, skipping random stations when I feel like it But wait, this train is empty except for one guy in a trenchcoat That's right, I cleared everyone out, you see I'm fapping on the train Just fapping on the train What a glorious feeling I'm naked under here (spoken) Conductor, can't you just close the doors? I would if Evan Hansen would move his backpack And I am telling you I'm not moving my backpack (spoken) That's from a different musical with Jennifer Hudson Stop bullying me! I gotta get that guy on bath salts And look out on the floor of the train there's also a puddle of unidentifiable origin I am the liquid on the floor Am I pee or Mountain Dew? Don't worry I'm flowing towards the door Just kidding I'm gonna touch your shoe (spoken) Stop right there Emily in Paris? No, we're the guardian angels and if you're looking for a fight you're gonna go through us, easy Oh, really? I'm possibly the real Jesus Christ, wearing my famous New York Islanders beer helmet and if you want this subway you'll have to kill me again first Oh my God, it's all happening Just as the oracle predicted Jesus Christ on the subway car The helmet doesn't track with what we know so far Jesus Christ wearing Crocs Why does she have a spider in a box Jesus Christ, she's pretty drunk and churros for everyone Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Feasting on churros in paradise Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Jesus, oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus Christ Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Jesus, oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus Christ
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