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Living Hell
par
Clayton Jennings
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Letra
I wake up, and my mind starts racing So I throw up, and I start pacing You say you've never had anxiety, my God, that must be amazing I can’t find the root of mine, believe me, I've tried tracing But I walk around like your words don't phase me Inside I hate it when people trash me but feel insecure when they praise me "Clayton, your poetry is incredible You honestly amaze me Dear Anxiety helped me, and Please Don’t Kill Yourself saved me" Suicidal thoughts force me to picture Arabelle and Jamie, and the beast inside of me is like, "Clayton, can't tame me!" It's the depression talking when I feel crazy And that's more often than not, lately I look to Heaven like, "God, please save me!", and I get nothing in return The devil sits back blushing as I burn I feel disgusting, my stomach turns Why do people obsess over me? This isn't your concern You wanna know the real me? Just listen, and you'll learn I'm tired of working for something that I can't earn I’m tired of falling when it’s my turn I'm tired of these voices, and I’m tired of you It's like my fans judge me for every little thing that I do "I heard this about you, Clayton, is it true? Is it true?" As if somehow I answer to you Heres a suggestion, I'll do me, and you do you Don't act like you know me if you’ve never walked in my shoes I've been slandered, manipulated, and physically abused So I write poetry because it helps with the blues I listen to the man in the mirror, and he helps me choose That's why I tell my daughter to be herself, and she's only two Because I know if she doesn't define herself, someone else will I tried finding my peace in the shape of a pill Along came the devil to take and to kill I trust nobody, are they fake or are they real? I lie awake shaking, and I can't sit still Crying out, "Help me!", but nobody will There's a time to laugh and a time to kill And to be honest, I'm ready to die I have no more tears left to cry, "Yo, God, why did You make me, huh?! Answer me, why?!" Can't save me, but I still try Like I'm doing CPR on myself Crisis poetry relief, and it sells And the picture of my girls just sits on my shelf I feel a shift in my health The devil comes lurking, and I'm overwhelmed He wants the spotlight, and I want the stealth I want peace, the world wants wealth We're not alike, look at me, I can tell Broken ribs from Christians who kicked me when I fell I point people to Heaven, you condemn them to Hell I'm thirsty for living water, man, where's that well? I'm not okay, and I don't feel well I got a secret for you if you promise not to tell I'm loud in my poetry but live alone in a shell Been so close to death, I got a whiff of its' smell It's like I've been cursed by some witch with a spell Been struggling to stay afloat if you can't tell Waves of anxiety, I get swept in the swells Imprisoned in my paranoia, I'm locked in its' cell What's the point in living when life's a living hell?
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