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Corrección Letra
Arabelle
par
Clayton Jennings
Regreso
Letra
You'll never know what it's like Livin' on the other side Of truth And you I tried to give you everything I just couldn't give you me And I died When you cried 'Cause I knew There's so many things I wanna keep hidden from you The only thing good about me is when I'm good riddance, it's true How is it you're my daughter, but I'm hiding from you? "Daddy, you okay?", I say yes, but I'm lying to you So many things I was dying to prove I wasn't just losing me, I was losing you You're three now, what happened to two? I remember what happened to one Best year for our family until T1 DKA the day after you turned one We were in South Africa, you, me, and your mom Had we fallen asleep you'd be gone I put hands on people, was it right? Was I wrong? Taxi driver, ER liars, I'm a dragon, feel the fire Your dad's a whole lot of things but not a punk, I'm a fighter Never slacked at being a father or provider Watching you die was like gas to my lighter Full pro pain, my heart bust open on the grill in the fire Just keep walking baby, Daddy's right behind you You're safe love, I'd fly to Mercury to find you Make Elon Musk maneuver me to Mars to be beside you The stars aren't even like you I'm a wordsmith feeling worthless when I try to describe you The dark side of the moon can't even hide you Listen Belle, there's a light deep inside you Don't let 'em dim it, believe me, they'll try to Don't listen to dimwits, a wildfire's inside you People are like planes passing by, most fly through I'm thirty-two, already forgot classmates from high school And if you're bullied, baby, then you know what to do Daenerys Targaryen, you're a dragon, it's true Dracarys, flames fill the room Someday you'll understand the power inside of you All of Hell came to kill you but still couldn't silence you Demons are hyenas, what's that to the lion in you? Lioness, nothing less, believe me, it's true You almost died after a year of perfect health And I sat there and cried, "God, send me to Hell If my sins have caused my daughter to be unwell" I got a secret if you promise not to tell A year later, I ended up in a cell I should have been Baker Acted with the way that I acted Punched the mirror, trashed the room, flipped the mattress Body in one place, mind in fighter mode on the other side of the atlas Caught a case, which was fitting 'cause I'm a basket Like the one filled with dirty launder that got trashed with My reflection when I picked up Momma's mirror and smashed it Saw the high road and went past it Covid hadn't hit yet, so I couldn't mask it Out came the fangs And I had a whole lot of names that I could have blamed But the first name was my brain You saw me in my fury, you saw me in the flames Doctors called me to cure me, more pharmaceutical games Uppers and downers, more pills for the pain Nothing over-the-counter made me feel okay Your mom took me to have doctors test my DNA A test to show which meds would mesh and which to keep away Problem is my results didn't say First time they'd seen a test come back that way How do you medicate a mind that doesn't allow it? "Effexor, yes sir" "But what are the effects sir?" "I'm not sure" "It's the only option on the roster, and even it doesn't say yes" "So we can start you at 150 milligrams and see what's next" One year later, and I was a wreck Poly pharmaceutical close to cardiac arrest Passing out randomly holding my chest Waking up to you and Grandma rubbing my head Those weren't panic attacks, I should have been dead Mixing medications, no patience for this patient I learned you're on the menu if you're not at the table Tried to kill me in the valley, but internet trolls weren't able "I read this, and I heard that", man, stop with the fables I'm the best poet alive but never had a label, just labels Klonopin for this Clydesdale, put my brain in a stable My case got dropped, never committed a crime But at the same time, nothing was fine Except the picture of my mugshot at the time ADD, Johnny Cash, gotta get back on the line Too hard to walk it sometimes Locked up outlaw in the pen But could out-maul any of them with a pen I'm not talking THC or CBD, I mean poetry Awkward when people noticed me Went from speaking to inmates to being one From respected to lied, slandered, neglected But all I did was break my own stuff, how did I get arrested? "Sir, you shouldn't have", that's what the judge said But to be honest with you? No grudge for the blue Bipolar and suicidal, I was the only one in denial Bipolar is a monster, and my mania's wild One minute I'm flat like a Titanium iron Next minute up like my backend's on fire Then I'm back in the lows like nails in a tire Bipolar is a rollercoaster, and I'm a good writer Just not a good rider, with an "R" I watched you fade from the back of that cop car I presented the threat of violence due to lack of compliance I never hurt anyone or even said that I would But stalkers took it and twisted it just like I knew that they would 'Wife beater', 'Mistress hitter', "I heard that he worships Hitler" "I heard that he hit his sister" "I heard he's just an N-Word" Their words turned me inward Lies, lies, lies, just the Devil in disguise Feels like I know the coroner by name, have I already died? Keep the temperature at 36 to 39 tonight The average mortuary's Fahrenheit And what can I do, sit here and blame medicine? Cymbalta, Effexor, Gabas, Xanax, and Addys? Clayton, it's time for a refill, it'll help you feel happy Five of the ten medications I was off and on and off and on Losing my mind, I was halfway gone All the while getting lied about and trashed on Leeches to names like mine to get cash off Every blog site can get Johnny Cashed off Folsom Prison, I brought it back in Spring of 2019 Two middle fingers to the twisted system of greed Where fallen people become food for the vultures to feed Listen, Arabelle, don't ever let religion fool you for Jesus Jesus doesn't live in temples He's not like the religious But I can't be a Pharisee to the Pharisees 'cause that was me I was telling people Jesus could help them, but He hadn't helped me Because I was too stubborn to fall to my knees But when I did, He set me free, and you're a lot like me Stubborn but powerful and born to lead Still praying you have more of your mom in you than you have of me I'm not afraid of Goliath, but I am of Bathsheba I was David beggin', kicked those pills like David Beckham Thirty-two degrees on Thanksgiving, cold turkey Should have been dead way before I hit thirty And during my withdrawals I thought of you Like right now while my hand shakes in the booth It would stop if I took that Benzo, but I won't though Because I want to see my baby girl grow I want to be at your graduation, kiss you at your wedding Hold your hand when your heart gets broken by a boyfriend Show up and kill him Just joking, but you never know Baby girl, I got your 6 wherever you go I never hit your mom, obviously I shrug off the lies, irrelevant elephants don't bother me Jim Jones types, only nobody's following They do tricks for treats like it's Halloween Hate me but love me, so they never unfollow me They hate the fact that I'm irreversibly irreverent Not a pastor, priest, or reverend Not my parent pastor or a friend I'm me, and you'll never be me as hard as you try to be I'm talking to the trolls, Arabelle, BRB Ah, nevermind, let's let the dead RIP Listen, baby, I struggle with Bipolar And for some reason it's getting worse as I get older And I don't know what the future holds, but I do know this Wherever you go, that's where God is And wherever I go, that's on me, not Him And I don't plan on leaving, but sometimes I don't know I have nightmares, night terrors, and premonitions Guess the Devil hates you when you've already reached millions How many canceled suicides before I have to kill myself? How many inspired before I can retire? How many more death threats and slanderous lies? How many more ups and downs with your mom? Middle school sweethearts, but she had the sweet heart Listen, sweetheart, I'm Cavetime and Braveheart Not down with the stealing masculinity, nope, not a sheep Protecting you takes hours away from my sleep But then I hear God whisper to me, "I got this" And I become a hostage to Abba Alpha, Omega, He already knows the end So don't look back at me, baby, run toward Him And run, and run, and run, and run, and run, and run, and run, and run, and run And never stop running toward God's ocean of grace At the Cross of Jesus is where you'll find your place Serve others, help the hurting, feed the hungry Shatter glass ceilings, honey, you could lead a country You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength But just run, and run, and run, and run, and run, and run, and run, and run, and run And don't stop running this race called life You were made to dream big dreams You were made to help the hurting behind the scenes You're a lioness, just like the lion in me You were made to live loud At three years old, you've made me so proud And if I leave early, just know where I'll be Out past the stars, bipolar free at Jesus feet Just waiting on you and your momma To be there with me
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