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Anger Management
par
Clayton Jennings
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Letra
I have dreams of a crazy fan walking up to say hey to me He starts crying, talkin' about being unemployed and how he wrote me letters asking pray for me Now, you're gonna pay for me So he pulls a 9-milli and preys on me Nightmares about fanatics who wanna kill me News articles in the attic, rest in peace Christina Grimmie When you got shot back in 2016, every meet and greet line I stood in frightened me I could feel the paranoia begin tightening And my meet and greets are small, I'm sure yours were way bigger Mine are just filled with way sicker And I don't mean cooler I mean the blue type like they came straight from the cooler Not people with money, I'm talkin' people from sewers The people I call family, the people the world calls losers The down and outs with scars on their wrists Daydreamers about turning the wheel off the cliff to feel the car when it hits The older they get, the more mania sets in, and the meaner they get The bipolar types charged with misdemeanors When they're misunderstood, demeanor begins to split Because how long can you chain someone before they hate you? And how long can you taunt someone before they take you? And half of us feel like we've been chained to God's playground and told go ahead kids, play Just play nice But how can you play nice when you're basically caged mice? Given seventy to eighty playing guessing games on what follows this life I've seen the grim reaper two times, and I've followed him twice Just to try to strangle him so he couldn't take another life Just to keep him away from these kids in bathtubs, we don't need any more knives You tell me to take a break and believe me, I've tried You tell me to go kill myself but believe me, I've died Emotionally So thank you for the fan mail and the notes to me But most notably the ones that say I saved your life Kids about to take their life But I show up online, and I'm like "Here just try To take my hand And we'll get through this together" I didn't realize millions of us would become tethered together Sinking in storms of depression, we're stuck in this weather forever Now I'm like, "If I kill myself, we all drown together" I've learned that a following isn't something to be treasured It's gossip, slander, and piles of pressure So we're stuck in this maze, and God says play nice But I don't think it's nice having an existence that could change completely, believe me, with one roll of the dice I mean am I the only person that thinks these thoughts every night, guys? Tuck me into my casket, I daydream about nighttime Got diagnosed with bipolar and told take the red pill or blue Stuck in this new matrix, I didn't know what to do So I chose the red pill because I've never liked blue I lived there too much with my thoughts in the gloom But red pill meant new meds and eyes open to Big Pharma If I get killed for saying this, don't you dare say it's karma Probably headhunters who hunt the heads they mess up in the first place So if there's an enemy to pills, then put me in first place But if you're handing some out, then give me the first taste I was as skinny as Dallas Buyers Club McConaughey's bones Pills made me feel like a time to kill was my only way home It will haunt you like a bullet Ask Sandra Bullock Strapped to a bus that's all speed I just referenced three movies with two actors One twist but still no recognition for me Got another hate article? Just text it to me I'll forward it over for my lawyers to see I'm a mess some people write and wish they could be Too many terrible things that you can't see You're Stevie Wonder to my world but act like you got 20/20 Barbara Walters wannabe, and these stalkers just hunt me Hit piece after hit piece with hopes it would stunt me My following quadrupled, isn't that funny? And the dirt I have on my enemies? It's stunning A two-hour conversation recorded on my phone Detailing every piece of secret drama from my enemies homes So should I destroy them like they tried to destroy me or just leave it alone? I tossed the recording to my lawyers like here Pitbulls, have another bone If I release this convo, a whole lotta people are coming off their thrones I've been keeping watch, private eyes with secret drones And little do my attackers know That this game could end the second I release this dirt It's so tempting to sit back and launch bombs to watch them squirm the way I hurt But for now, I took the high road when I got on the highway Hi, Ray Friends turned enemies turned stalkers turned crazed Catch 'em creeping on my social media pages day after day But what can you do for your enemies except pray? So I pray every day I never have to see another fake friend again Especially when it tempts me to release all of their secret, sick sins They thought they killed me like Bruce Willis Six Sense Thought they bankrupted me, need to borrow six cents? Because God has blessed us, believe me And I'd tell you look, but you already see me Stalking me online, watching me laughin' Afraid to see me in person, was all fake love back then You'd give anything for my popularity or ability with this pen But won't attack me face-to-face, so they just sit back with their friends In their living rooms after another Bible study Man, oh, man, isn't life funny? The wicked flee when nobody pursues them, but they take off running Bold as lions? If a lion is a kitty Some day I won't be around to write this poetry, I wonder if you'll miss me I know my critics will because they'll have to go back to talking about CrossFit Angry they couldn't crucify me with a cross that wouldn't fit And while I'm on this tangent, let me rant for a bit Maybe I do need to get anger management I'll text my assistant to get to planning it But why is it that these people who post workout pictures online look the exact same they have for the last ten years straight? But they're sure to let us know in every post, "I'm headed to the gym to press these plates" But pressing plates won't work if you're still pressing full plates straight to your face Some things never change, including their weight And it doesn't bother me when people are fat I could care less as a matter of fact This is just me playing with some words and taking some jabs This is me warning people that I'm tempted to pull off scabs Every one of you could get dragged You know who you are, I don't need to call names Same girls who gossiped about my wife while looking like they coulda starred in The Hunger Games If the movies was all about eating Because if it's gossip, believe me, these big girls are feasting I'm just teasing Just please don't eat me I swear it's not as cool as you think to be me It's scary at night, and the voices get louder Seconds turn to minutes, and minutes turn to hours Got written about a lot by a bunch of weirdos but never met one in person, cowards So welcome to my life where the light gets darker but I get louder Where my enemies fade, but I gain power Maybe someday I'll jump from the building with our president's name on the tower And on my way down, I'll think about all the mistakes I've made And the fools for friends I made And the bed I made in an old dark grave But you can't kill a soul that's already been saved And the Devil can remind me of nobodies, but he already got played Just like my haters are playing this poetry right now So ring the bells and drive my hearse around at night through the town Had a thousand liars try to sink me but still refused to drown Had a thousand fires try to burn me as I screamed out loud Because what's been killing me isn't from the outside It's from within So I'm sorry if I kill myself to go be with Him And if escaping a place I never belonged makes me a sinner, then I guess I've sinned And if killing myself makes the critics laugh, then I guess I still win in the end Because surely nobody would laugh at that if they were a real Christian Right, like we ever thought they were I'm not suicidal because I'm sad, I'm suicidal because I'm hurt I've tried the Bible, prayer, therapy, and medication and not a single thing worked I feel worked Exhausted Stumbling over these feet that weigh a million pounds But when I die, they won't just talk about my death around small towns I'm not like you, and you're not like me I didn't waste my life and grow up to be a fake pastor who hunts big names as a hobby When I die, they won't be able to squeeze the crowd through the lobby Did you pay for that tummy tuck or did-, okay, never mind, somebody stop me I'll keep all this powder dry if my enemies get c*cky Clayton dug up a lotta skeletons, oh no, you got me But don't worry, I'm taking a break from boxing like Rocky But I'll unleash hell with this info next time, stop me If you wanted me dead, all you had to do was hand me a pistol to pop me That's how you coulda got me 'Cause if you hate me, believe me, I hate me more I find myself crying alone on the floor I hear Jamie knocking on the other side of the door And all I really want is to work up enough courage to jump to the other side Ten thousand posts go up saying our brother died Ten million tears shed, our mothers cried These are the thoughts that play on repeat inside of my mind And I have an eerie feeling my death date is nearing its time So if this is the end, and I find the courage to do it You heard it here first, so you already knew it But if I still have some time left to work things out Then expect a whole lot more poetry to come from this mouth I guess I'm a rebel 'cause I've got blood from the south And rebels don't die easy, so don't cry when it's time to leave me Just let me rest in peace until my body rots to pieces Just remember my body is in the grave, but my soul is with Jesus
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