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My reign officially started I’m working so I never see a drought again I lost what motivated me for a minute Through inner turmoil But I found the list Haven’t let my soul speak in a second Oouu that sound was missed The naysayers got to me Who allowed em in? How was I backtracking and doubting this? Back and forth between I know ima make it Or won’t amount to sh*t The volume of the voices in my head were as loud as it gets Was overwhelmed under conditions I put on myself Cause I put myself on Scared of accepting help Had me accepting hell and a lesser health Came to conclusion this everything but a fairy tale Fear of commitment, needed ways outs Was rarely invested The lonely drives in the Ford Escape turned to therapy sessions A lot of breakdowns, my engine light on Shoulda had the oil changed Burning out Submerged in New Amsterdam to avoid the pain No one to talk it out with Practicing a code of silence Men of pride I wish the guys would be more open minded Them shades covered the swollen eyelids And my response to “how you been?” All answers that were so recycled, hate how my Role in the group was set as the strongest shoulder to lean and cry on They never notice nobody's home cause I’d keep a light on Crazy dreams balanced with 60hr full time weeks Had me questioning should I stick around or should I leave? It's getting real My reign officially started Was down pouring up daily Now we pouring up to curated playlist notifications Stepping stones had led me to rock bottom But I'm bolder than most Lows in control were just exposing all the holes in the road Letting the chips fall, the message I seeked Now all my chips on me I make a mess when I eat Too many wins to count a loss Feel like I’m counting cards Counting up blessings There’s too many I can’t count 'em all Too many counting on me for me to ever count me out Look at the evidence Out of all the acts, who had the loudest crowd? I’m getting DMs saying I’m changing lives and oddly enough I haven’t met my expectations But I’ve already won Already in somebody’s top 5 The game and I locked eyes It told me I’m still getting started, I gotta be patient Don’t worry, I got time If I try to hurry at stop signs I’ll end up buried with mom crying I’m working on scoping the journey, and not leaving scenes With shells form shots flying Sacrificing my own body for the greater good of someone else’s mind Though internal trauma resurfacing After plenty years of being set aside Through the IRS taking every dime From mistakes I made when i was stepping blind Through my peers announcing engagements And every time I felt left behind Through sold out shows in my hometown That haven’t been processed Cause I’m too busy burning boats to show that I’m Not returning from the conquest But I’m here now Here to stay and hear what's to come I’m here now Yeah
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