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Bah Humbug!
by
Team StarKid
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Long ago in London 1800-something 12/24 the day before Christmas There's a greedy old geezer Named Ebenezer A mean man of money and of business He never laughs and he's never smiled He's a total d**k to man, woman, and child And a total j*rk to Bob Cratchit his clerk He hates Christmas and he hates fun And he really hates you, he hates everyone The only things he doesn't hate are making money and work And if you say "Happy Holidays" Hе'll shout his favorite phrase Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! Therе's no meaner dude Than Ebenezer Scrooge Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! If you see his frowny face Just turn and run away 'Cause he's gonna come and ruin your day There's no meaner dude, than Ebenezer Scrooge So Scrooge is working And his clerk is clerking When in walks Fred, Scrooge's nephew Hi Scrooge, Merry Christmas What the hell is this? Merry Christmas uncle, God bless you! What's so "merry" about it, Fred? Aren't you still super poor? Aren't you still in debt? Well what's so sh*tty about it, Scrooge? You're still rich Hmph Uncle Scrooge, I'm just saying "Hey" And inviting you to dinner on Christmas Day You're my family even though you're a total d**k Scrooge looks at his nephew's face He knows the perfect thing to say Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! Christmas with you and your wife? I'd rather take my own life Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! Goodbye, good afternoon Okay, I love you too Fred, he's not surprised He always knew There's no meaner man than Ebenezer Scrooge Just then... Two men Come up to the door Requestin' Collectin' Donations for the poor They don't know that Scrooge is greedy That he doesn't care about the needy So they ask old Ebenezey "Please show some love" Scrooge kicks them out with a big old Bah Humbug! Here's my man, Bob Cratchit Wrapped up in a warm jacket 'Cause Scrooge keeps the place freakin' freezing Um, Mr. Scrooge, sir? Not to be rude, sir Goddamnit Cratchit, start speaking Well you see, my family They're kind of a real big deal to me His words trails off in a voice, timid and soft And I was thinking, since tomorrow's Christmas And generally a pretty slow day for business Let me guess Bob, you'd like tomorrow off? Y-yes, sir So let me get this straight You don't work, but still get paid? Why don't you just rob me, Bobby? Or steal food from my plate? You're lucky I'm so understanding Even though you're so demanding Okay, have your way Come in early the following day! But before you go, please wait There's something I need to say Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! The sun goes down on London town Scrooge closes up and he heads out Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! He gets back home but doesn't know This Christmas, he won't be alone And though the day is done Scrooge's tale has just begun Let's see how he does this Christmas 'Cause it's the story of The meanest man there ever was Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! The rudest dude you ever knew Bah Humbug! Bah Humbug! The crabbiest Sc*mbaggiest Bah Humbug! The grouchiest The frowniest Bah Humbug! The angriest hater The crankiest neighbor Bah Humbug! The greediest geezer The cruelest creature No one meaner than Ebenezer Scrooge!
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