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THE C+ SHANTY
by
Random Encounters
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CAST MY LINE TWO HOURS AT A TIME! BUT ALAS! THAT BLASTED BASS WAS ALL I PULLED UP FROM THE BRINE! THEY MOVED IN FAST DESCENDING LIKE A STORM! ‘TILL EVERY BLOOMIN’ BAY WAS BLIGHTED BY THE SWARM! SEA BASS, FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE! WORSE TO CATCH THAN A COLD OR FLEA! SO LET’S BREAK LOOSE THE VACATION JUICE- “ANOTHER ROUND ON ME!” FROM SEA TO HOOK TO ME TO NOOK- HALF A BAG OF BELLS FOR SEA BASS! THEY’RE BAD! THEY’RE WORSE! A SOGGY CURSE ALL ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS! EVERY BASS I CAUGHT WAS THE LAST, I THOUGHT BUT THE FISH OF MY WISHES WAS NAUTICALLY NAUGHT! THIS SEA BASS HERE IS ALL I’VE GOT BUT AT LEAST IT’S A C+! THE SHARKS TURNED TAIL! THE KNIFEJAW BIT THE DUST! EVEN THE SNAPPER’S DOWN THE CRAPPER AND THE DAB’S BECOME A BUST! I SOLD THREEFOLD OF SEA BASS AT THE STORE JUST TO RETURN TO SEA AND FISH OUT FIFTY-THREE MORE! SALTY SCOURGE OF THE OPEN SEA! FILL YOUR POCKETS WITH MISERY! SO DOWN A SLUICE OF VACATION JUICE- “IT’S ALCOHOLIC-FREE!” FROM SEA TO HOOK TO ME TO NOOK- HALF A BAG OF BELLS FOR SEA BASS! THEY’RE WET! AND WEIRD… THEY’RE IN ME BEARD! AND THEY’VE SEIZED THE SEVEN SEAS! NOT A SMIDGE OF FISH THAT I’D HAD IN MIND; ONLY BASS I’D RATHER HAVE LEFT BEHIND WORTH SIXTY-SOMETHING BELLS COMBINED BUT AT LEAST THEY’RE A C+! THEY ATE MY BAIT AND BROKE MY GOLDEN POLE! I WOULD MAKE THEM WALK THE PLANK BUT THEN THEY’D JUST REJOIN THE SHOAL! THOSE PISCINE PESTS HAVE FLOODED EVERY SHORE! WITH EVERY WRETCH I CATCH, I RETCH A LITTLE BIT MORE! TEN FOR YOU AND A TON FOR ME! MARITIME TERROR IS ALL THEY BE! SO RAISE A GLASS TO THAT CURSE’D BASS- IT’S TIME TO CHANGE THE KEY! AHHHH! FROM SEA TO HOOK TO ME TO NOOK- HALF A BAG OF BELLS FOR SEA BASS! THEY BITE! THEY SMELL! WE DO, AS WELL- AND THEY PLAGUE THE SEVEN SEAS! THEY’RE GROTESQUE, DESPICABLE AND ABHORRED BUT THEY’RE ALL I’VE GOT AND I CAN’T AFFORD TO TOSS THE LOT OF ‘EM OVERBOARD BUT AT LEAST… THEY’RE A… C+! BUT AT LEAST IT’S A C+!
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