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Helen’s Hell Hags
by
Paul Shapera
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Lyrics
Okay, you's all ready? Joki you gotta wear pants or a dress or somethin' not everybody needs to see your goblin hoo-ha! Okay, get ready everyone - Here we go! Heya! Floozy Here! I wanna talk to you's about my amazing group of friends and our fun and exciting super group we got! Helen's Hell Hags! We're Helen's Hell Hags, we're ready to fight We're Helen's Hell Hags, if you can't be nice We're gonna take you and stick your tush down Unpack your trauma till you're turned around We're Helen's Hell Hags, coming for the bad guys We're Helen's Hell Hags, cause it's therapy time We're gonna make you unpack your trauma today Acknowledge your emotions and send you on your way So my name is Da Floozy heya! Hi I'm Shira! I'm Galaxy The Witch! I'm Joki The Goblin! My mom was Ryvyr *inaudible mumbling* (spoken) And that's Buffy Rabbit! He don't talk so good but that's okay we love him anyway We protect people from abusers. We try it the nice way, but if they don't wanna listen we dish out the tough love! Okay gang, one more chorus before we get started! We're Helen's Hell Hags, we're ready to fight We're Helen's Hell Hags, if you can't be nice We're gonna take you and stick your tush down Unpack your trauma till you're turned around We're Helen's Hell Hags, coming for the bad guys We're Helen's Hell Hags, cause it's therapy time We're gonna make you unpack your trauma today Acknowledge your emotions and send you on your way (spoken) Okay gang, we're picking up a distress call from a nearby narrative! We got a girl in trouble! Let's skedaddle! -- Look at what you ma-ma-ma-ma-made me do. [x3] Look at what you made me do Imma give it to you! --- (spoken) Let's kick this guy's ass! I got a spell that'll make his sphincter itchy for a month! I love violence! Ah, hang on gals! We gotta give him a chance to grow! Okay bub, either you agree to a sittin' circle or we're gonna twist ya toushy! Ah okay I'll try the sittin' circle. But I don't like you dames! Sit down buddy, before you give me an excuse to- Sittin' circle time!!!! Okay... Well sure that's understandable! Oh this is just a lot to unload I get it! No! You got a lot of baggage let it out! Let it out! (singing) Cry, cry child Cry, cry child Cry now, baby, cry Cry now, baby, cry Cry, cry child (speaking) Okay gang! He's uncovered some of his trauma and unconcious triggers and agreed to continue therapy with a licensed therapist! Our work here is done! Let's go gang! I was hoping for violence We're Helen's Hell Hags, we're ready to fight We're Helen's Hell Hags, if you can't be nice We're gonna take you and stick your tush down Unpack your trauma till you're turned around We're Helen's Hell Hags, coming for the bad guys We're Helen's Hell Hags, cause it's therapy time We're gonna make you unpack your trauma today Acknowledge your emotions and send you on your way Hang on gang, we got a distress call coming in from a frat house in sector five! Uh-Ho Maybe there'll be alcohol! I love alcohol! I thought you loved violence I love violence AND alcohol, I'm well rounded! Let's go gang! Yeah, super check! Me and my dude bro were having a kegger and respectfully conversing with these two lovely ladies in hopes of recieving their consenting romantic affection, when this UFO appeared and beamed my Dude Bro up and took him away! Ya gotta help him! Aliens? Cool How are we gonna get to their spaceship? My coven mother taught me a bunch of spells from hell, I have one that'll get us right up there! Let's get 'em! Oh my god, Aliens Are they gonna stick this tube up his butt? Stop that right now aliens! *alien noises of protest* I don't care! You can not put things up people's bums without consent! Can we beat them up? Oh yes let's beat them up I always wanted to battle aliens! Hang on gang, we gotta give them a chance to repent and grow! N'awwww! How's about it aliens? Either you agree for a sittin' circle or my team here is gonna wipe the walls of this ship with ya! *alien noises of agreeing to a sittin' circle* They agreed! N'awwwww crap goddamit Joki skat while we get the circle sitted! *immaculate skatting skills* Cry, cry child Cry, cry child Cry, baby, cry Cry, baby, cry Cry, baby, cry on me Cry, baby, cry Cry, baby, cry Cry, baby, cry on me Wow we got another call comin' in! Wow, busy day Alright let's get 'em! Oh my god, it's a white supremacist ralley! Well lookey here, we got ourselves a bunch of CENSORED and CENSORED Guess we gotta do a sittin' circle Guess we gotta give em a chance to grow Ah screw that! Let's just kick their hineys! Yeeeeeey! I love violence! *awesome instrumental of the Hell Hags kicking ass* Buffy Rabbit you can't stick the entire flag up his- Oh, I guess you can! Explosive diarraeh spell! Kiss my sweet ass you nasty douchnozzle! I love violence! *more awesome instrumental* We're Helen's Hell Hags, we're ready to fight We're Helen's Hell Hags, if you can't be nice We're gonna take you and stick your tush down Unpack your trauma till you're turned around We're Helen's Hell Hags, coming for the bad guys We're Helen's Hell Hags, cause it's therapy time We're gonna make you unpack your trauma today Acknowledge your emotions and send you on your way Good work gang! And to all of you out there - we love you! And you are valid! You gotta be good to others and that starts with self care! Examine your actions, forgive your younger self and take care of your mental and emotional health! Somewhere deep in there, there's a child who needs to have a good cry. It's okay to let it out! Cry, cry child Cry, cry child Cry now, baby, cry Cry now, baby, cry Cry now, baby, cry on me Cry, baby, cry Cry, baby, cry Cry now, baby, cry Cry now, baby, cry Cry now, baby, cry on me Oh woah Cry, baby, cry on me Cry, baby, cry on me Cry, baby, cry Cry, baby, cry Cry, baby, cry on me Cry, cry child Cry, cry child Cry now, baby, cry Cry now, baby, cry Cry on me
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