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New York Ivy
by
Paul Heaton + Jacqui Abbott
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He had a massive gong by the side of his bed Where most folk just had a lamp And the tattoos where family names usually read He had 'Legend' and 'I Am The Champ' And in this dark age of plasticity His beard, it felt somehow so real Something he could touch right next to his skin Whilst attempting all along to conceal Conceal his hidden intent He ain't after women and he certainly ain't bent He's a new man, not the old, old, type He don't drink pints or carry the wife And every time he opens his mouth, it's like New York ivy Clinging to the conversation like the densest of fogs And the words that he chooses to use are simply New York ivy Twirling round and snapping your ankles like the neighbour's dogs And it was 'kinda' instead of 'sort of', 'bunch' instead of 'group', and every second word was 'guys' They grab a shower, grab a coffee, jump into a cab, and then they do some steak and fries And the beard grows down his face like New York ivy And the beard grows down his face like New York ivy
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