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The Legend of Loco Chanelle (And The Blood Red Dress)
by
Original Cast of Everybody's Talking About Jamie
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Once in a lifetime There will rise a hero Who's approaching footsteps Will cause the earth to quake Once in a lifetime They'll baptize a hero In the blood she left in her wake The legend of Loco Chanelle I'll sing a story now of way out West Of Madame Loco and the blood red dress And of the man who didn't treat her right You see that dress, well it started out white She was the sweetest thing you'd ever seen Raised on a cattle ranch in Southey Green She was a beauty queen in '79 And spent her summers on the Greyhound line But she knew that every queen must have a crown So she set off to a place called London Town Where streets are paved with gold and lit with dreams And magpies come to gather all that gleams A simple girl, she never traveled far But in her heart there burned a superstar She'd hit 'em hard and swore she'd give 'em hell The legend of Loco Chanelle She'd not a single friend to count upon Until in Camden met a man named John He liked her lipstick and he loved her wig He told her Babydoll I'll make you big Stick with me kiddo and the city's yours The fame, the fortune, the perpetual applause She trusted Johny, so she spent the night Who knew a wolf had such a charming bite? But Johny was an agent, not a gent And took more than the usual 10 percent And though he promised Miss Chanelle the Earth She soon discovered what his word was worth On opening night the audience was packed When she caught him screwing with a younger act In flagrante at the Finchley Hotel The tragedy of Loco Chanelle The seats were sold out to the last reserves She said: "I need a drink to calm my nerves" Then she saw Johny with his tie askew Her look was loaded and her gun was too "Here's to you Johny, have a shot to start" And then she smiled and shot him through the heart Her dress was purest white till Johny bled And turned her virgin gown to deepest red She strolled onto the stage, a crimson queen And killed the crowd by stealing every scene And soon her fans were queuing round the block To see the diva in the blood red frock And that, my dear, is how the star shall rise With ruby lips and murder in her eyes Till one day to avoid a prison cell Miss Loco vanished like a magic spell Where she is now, no! I'll never tell That's the legend of Loco Chanelle
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