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Bad Habits
by
Kerser
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I don't know how deep to go But I'ma let it all out so come peep the show Got my first Xanny of my mate, I ain't gonna say his name It was fun at the start, I used to treat it like a game This around the time when The Nebulizer dropped I was on all types of shit, but there's one I couldn't stop And it played with my brain, but I focused on the music I focused so much, didn't realize I abused it Never had a plan to stop, not in that prediction Going through fame, couldn't see I had addictions One turned to two, turned to three, turned to four Then I need about six a day, a little bit more Mixin' it with lean, gotta stop people seein' What damages can be by lookin' at me, shit What to do 'cause I feel like a fool And I hate any rapper makin' Xannies look cool Shit was gettin' bad, I was filled up with hateful Thoughts in my mind, I would argue with April Agreed I would stop, shit I'll give it a go By the first f*ckin' night, felt like slittin' my throat Second night, my body shaking the ambulance appear And I'm thinkin' in my mind, what the f*ck they doing here? Suddenly I'm caught up and there's no time to muck 'round Lucky I got here, 'cause my body 'bout to shut down Back to square one, nah man, you can't quit You gotta wean yourself off, that's some hard shit What the f*ck man, my brain is a mess I can't remember that much, feel the pain in my legs I wish it was that easy, I could give up and go And people still got the hide to tell me pick up my phone Maybe that's my fault, I didn't speak on it much I didn't see it as a problem, I would keep it from cunts Rates could always tell, when I couldn't pronounce Certain words, brain dead, yeah should I be proud? Anxiety was killin' me, the doctors couldn't deal with me Put me on a program cut me down off the pills and weed All scared, 'cause I feel on my own I told 'em "let me chill", now they think I'm dissin' 'em bro Waking up tired, I gotta take more pills And I don't even wanna take 'em, is this f*ckin' for real? Losin' touch with myself, it's like reality's false It's like I'm walkin' around without havin' a pulse It's a feelin' of death, or like nothin' is left Lose air, I'm holdin' my chest, just put a hole in my head You see the older I get, it's gettin' scary as f*ck I'm like an eighteen in the head, I weren't aware of those drugs The shit that they cause, I talk to mirrors on walls I don't need this shit ever, but to pills I will fall I opened up on No Rest, told cunts everything That I done ice, didn't leave out anything I quit that shit, yeah, I left it flat dead That was five years ago, they still think I'm a crackhead If that's what we're goin' off, f*ck me dead In five years, I'll be clean, they'll be calling me a Xanny head Funny how the world works for a paycheck Once the fame hit, I became a train wreck I wasn't shit anyway, so why does it count? Why so many people love me? I can't figure it out But I'm tellin' you now, don't you follow my path Look you couldn't if you tried, 'cause I'm goin' in hard f*ck it, poppin' a pill, just to go out today How'd I end up like this? I don't know, it's a way Well I'm blamin' the fame, yeah, I said it before But it's enough to make me high, feel like endin' it all, but I Brush it off, got the fans on my side too And my girl and my brothers and the whole crew Spillin' the truth, it's like all I can do That's why I don't have time for rappers that are saying they true When they lie to their fans, apologise in the end I never lied to mine and this is why I'm the man I tell you what I'm goin' through, I don't care what they think That's why I'm triple popping pills, leaning over the sink I'm almost f*ckin' crying as I'm writin' this shit 'Cause of all my close ones, and the lives I affect I came from the bottom, I made it my problem Created the option, now fame has adopted My brain gotta stop it, insane I am not this Strange we got Scott sick, I'ma watch a clock tick Just f*ck off, I said it just f*ck off If I won't have my tablets I'll find a bridge to jump off f*cking idiots, thinking that the shit is cool Till they dyin' in the vomit of there own drool What I meant to say? Don't do what I done I've cut down on the program, yeah I've won Repped it from the street, turned into a star then Caught a f*cking habit on the Xanax but the bars went Crazy and I'm just dealin' with fame I just want my fans to know that I'll still be the same I'm good
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