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Dissociative Amnesia
by
I Remember 2006
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Lyrics
(Verse One) Well, now, it's coming back to haunt me The imagery is surfacing Of what you did to me To my friends and family Stacking everything up on each other I'm fearing I'm breaking Can't escape this time No matter how much I beg The inner workings made me forget Of what you did when I was young You can call it being young But nothing changes the trauma That you gave to me Of every time you pushed the limits Of every time I tried to back away What did you want from me? (Chorus) What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! (Verse Two) We can play our games And you try to inch closer And all the signs I gave For you to back away You only tried harder Is there a way to escape this? Someone guide me to the exit Lead me to the concluding closure I don't want this to affect me anymore But everything I've said about you Has found a way to burrow into My endless subconscious thoughts And I can't forget I'm only going to remember more I'm pleading to move on I just want to move on The visions of all that you did To my family, to my friends All you did to me They're engraved in here (Chorus) What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! (Verse Three) The steps you had taken I should have seen them But I was too young to comprehend How could I understand? Look, I don't know where to go from here I'm trying to figure it out But I don't know where to start And it's all coming back And I don't know what to think A breakdown in my father's car Driving back to Ludington The topics arose And the pieces fell into place My father saw them connect The stare I gave Off in the distance The highway flying back It sucks crying in front of a parent Especially when they went through a similar experience It all sparks the memories in my mind (Chorus) What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! (Verse Three) Cowardice actions Advancing on someone For how much I tried to push back You kept on going What did you do when I was asleep? Do I want to know what happened to me? I hate the times I speculate Because I see the connections to everything I just want to escape Leave the past behind But I judge everyone I meet To what you did to me No, I can't forgive No, you can't amend I just have to avoid you As best I can That Goodwill doesn't exist Well, it does, but I won't go to it I'm a pacifist, I'm a pacifist But if I see you again I don't know what will happen (Chorus) What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! (Verse Five) I won't let you destroy me I'll move on from this chapter one day At least I hope No, you won't turn my friends on me We all know you by name I should have listened to my sister She knew you were bad news My mother saw the signs Even I knew I couldn't trust you But you made me afraid of the consequences If I tried to bring up your fallacies I had to wait it out Why did I have to wait so long? If your own brother is scared of you I can only imagine what you've done No, I never want to talk to again I don't want to witness you again I'll hug my brother and sister They now know what you've done They're with me on this Hopefully, I can get away from this Let me move on from this Let me feel the sunshine again I've been waiting for it for a while now Why can't it shine now? (Chorus) What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! What did you want from me?! (Refrain) I won't let you destroy me I'll move on from this chapter one day At least I hope No, you won't turn my friends on me We all know you by name (Outro) Rafe: Is this clock off? Wilbur: No Rafe: What time is it? Wilbur: It's, uh, 7:09 Rafe: Oh Wilbur: We have time...So, probably half an hour, we'll still be out here... Wilbur: I panic over the slightest things Rafe: Same, man. I have bad anxiety. I have bad paranoia Wilbur: You have ADHD too, right? Rafe: Heheh, yeah. And like, which doesn't help it, and Autism doesn't help it Wilbur: I... I know that the symptoms to anxiety and ADHD are quite similar sometimes Rafe: Yeah Wilbur: But I'm almost convinced at this point that I have ADHD, because I have a really, really rough time focusing in cla** Rafe: Same. That's- That's a big thing is focus Wilbur: And my... I've noticed an increase of my grades plummeting since the seventh grade Rafe: Y'know... Hmmmm- Well not, not at seventh grade, but like at maybe ninth. It's just- A lot- Eh, when they start throwing- When they start throwing multiple cla**es at you Wilbur: Yeah Rafe: Like, where you have to move around and stuff; it gets hard to keep track Wilbur: And... My mom just... She thinks that I, like, have to be academically perfect. Like I, she doesn't like when I'm behind, and so she texts me whenever I'm behind in summer school, which I am right now. Um Rafe: That type of parenting. Kind I say something about that? I hope it doesn't offend you Wilbur: No. I won't- It won't offend me. I really f**king hate my mom, so Rafe: People who try- Parents who try to force perfection out of their kids are abusers, and I'll explain why. Because, it basically makes failure not an option, and, here's the thing, nobody's perfect. You'll never be perfect. And, e-, And if people strive to always be perfect, people will expect that out of others, expect that of you, and if you end up in a field where It's really hard for you to focus, really hard for you to be great, people will notice and it will stress you out more and more until you break Wilbur: It's funny because that's exactly what's happening. And um... Here's my gripe towards my mom. She doesn't want me to 'be like her.' So she- Whenever she yells at me about school or something, she'll bring her own life and her own choices into it. What she doesn't understand is that I'm not her. And... Same-... I don't know if I've mentioned this to you before or not but, um... Have I told you that in the past I've requested to be put on ADHD medication Rafe: Yes, you have Wilbur: And that my mother refused because she thought I was going to abuse it? Rafe: Yes, I remember that conversation Wilbur: Why would she think something like that? And, the fact that it could've helped me is even funnier. And... I... Here's the thing, I- have. Do you also have terrible motivation? Rafe: I-I have suffered from it before. When, uh, when the pandemic hit and I became a shut-in, it was really hard for me to even make music, which was my main pa**ion Wilbur: Is that the reason why you hardly released anything in 2021? Rafe: Yes. Because I was- I got- I hit an episode of depression. A month long episode of depression. I just had a breakdown in November, two, at that point of time. So, that was like in 19. 2019. And- Wilbur: Is that why you made November or no? Rafe: Was it the same year? Wilbur: Yes Rafe: I think that was-. Maybe. No, I, I like made November because I thought- I was inspired by Japanese Breakfast and her project, June Wilbur: Oh, yeah. I've heard of that Rafe: But, I did have two breakdowns that month, because everything was piling up, from school, from Courtney, Trevor and Travis, from my- from the expectations that my father has on me, from all the expectations people have on me in general, and I snapped twice that month Wilbur: The snapping point came out in 2017, right? Rafe: Yeah Wilbur: Okay Rafe: Either that or '16. I think '17 is right Wilbur: Uh, I think I'm going through my breakdown Rafe: Your breakdown phase? Wilbur: Or my breaki- breaking point, rather
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