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Harry Potter vs. Luke Skywalker
by
Epic Rap Battles of History
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EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! HARRY POTTER! VERSUS! LUKE SKYWALKER! BEGIN! Accio mic, let me fire up the wand! Like Hermione and Ron, I’m about to get it on! 'Cause my mouth spits hot like Incendio flames You’re lukewarm like some tauntaun remains Even the mad eye of my man Alastor Moody Could see your franchise only has two decent movies Search your feelings, do you sense déjà vu? You’re getting smoked, like your uncle Owen and aunt Beru! Your acting’s flat and your raps are 2D too! Bugger off to the afterlife where you’rе fat and see-through You’re the biggest lеtdown in your series since Snoke! It makes sense your father’s Vader, all you do is choke! (Uh) You country bumpkin, you must be dumb! Who farms moisture on a desert planet with two suns? Let me stick my plans in your dusty bin droid I’ll leave you like a horcrux. Split up and destroyed I don’t know who made you shoot first but that missed! If I was you I'd have a bad feeling 'bout this! (Ooh!) I’m a rhyming Jedi like my father before me Your talking hat should’ve put you in Gryffin-dorky Your origin story is mostly stolen from me! You might be Potter, but Harry, I planted your seed! Let’s see: little orphan raised by relatives in solitude Suddenly gets taken under wing of funky wizard dude Learns that he’s been destined to have powerful gifts But between the two of us I think I got the cooler stick! (Swing it!) My mic-saber cuts through you so slicey Leave you on the floor like an arm at Mos Eisley Hit you with the Wampa raps I get icy Land ‘em in your face like (That’ll do nicely) I flied an X-Wing to save a planet from massacre You fly a broom like some kinda magical janitor Your Dumble-dweeb Army likes to think that you’re the best All you did was use your mom like a bullet-proof vest! The death of my mother saved the wizarding race Your mum died of heartache when she saw your face! You swamp school dropout! You’re too whiny to rhyme At least when I Slytherin a sister, she isn’t mine! (Oooh!) I’m the Boy Who Lived! Best seller without equal I’ll split you like your fanbase’s feelings ‘bout the prequels! Sequels brought you back to meet your demise I’d say you were brilliant, but I must not tell lies I left J.K. straight Rowling in cash! You let J.J. compact your character to trash! So go on, try and force more of your disses You’re like a stormtrooper, 'cause all your sh*t misses! *R2D2 noises* That’s right R2, it does sound like he left all his fire in the goblet *R2D2 noises* Haha, maybe he will get rescued by an anorexic hobbit I think it’s pretty clear that you and I are pretty different My drive’s hyper, your drive’s Privet! I've got more rhymes than sand grains on Tatooine! You couldn’t pull in the win with a tractor beam! I crushed an Empire a galaxy large I blew up the Death Star, you blew up Aunt Marge! I’ll pop you where Poppy Pomfrey can’t be healing you Unlike a great disturbance in the force, I’m not feeling you! Death would eat you up without Hermione and luck Because your own skills wingardium levio-suck! You’re a dud like Dursley but worse And I’d rather herd nerfs than have to endure your third verse! Have you heard rap before? That was not dope at all Maybe have Goldieballs show you the protocol But I bet you’re just distracted you got a lot on your plate On one hand: the rebellion; on the other hand: oh wait! I roll deep and the Weasley's got my back! This muggle sucks more hole than the bloody Sarlacc! We’ll rough you up good if you try to step to Harry, mate You’re the least intimidating twin since Mary-Kate! I flow like butterbeer in Diagon streets! You could find me getting fantastic on these beats! It’s over Luke! I got the high ground advantage I’ll close it like a map! Mischief Managed! You should have Hagrid fly you home on his moped If I wanted teenage wizardry I’d call Selena Gomez! My attack tactics are galactically hardcore Far more than your goofy little Scar Wars! I learned flow with the best in the biz! (Get funky) So of you, the end this is! (Maclunkey!) My Jedi mind tricks put the nix on your Imperius Twist you up like death sticks, I’m Bellatrix - dead Sirius! No need to expelliarmus, you’re harmless in a duel Call me the Hogwarts Express! I just took you to school! WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
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