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My Worst Day
by
Daveed Diggs
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And then I said, "Is it really insider trading if you're just telling one of your closest friends?" Wow, Beatrice, such a good story. I must go. But do go on for the others, you blathering blowfish. Ugh, look at this group of pathetic, trifling try-hards. Why are they even here? Oh, right, it's my birthday party. Next year, I'm not inviting myself. (sung) What kind of birthday is it When they only came to visit Just to secure lucrative forms of business On my day? On my day Oh, how did my birthday become the worst of days? Oh, here we go. I've never felt at home in high society You could always leave. I scrapped, I fought up to the top While they just coasted through Oh, how did my birthday become the worst of days? Ugh! All they wanna talk about is rooftop gardens, their second homes, and presidential pardons Who last sunned in Santorini with a blue view How their tax-deferred private equity grew Jack got into Princeton Have you tried white asparagus? The judge's a friend, so he threw out the evidence This privilege, it's drivel, an embarrassment Nannies were the closest any of 'em ever came to being parented It's her birthday and it's become the worst of days I'm already counting down Today, she feels the fakeness of society Wanna barf on all these clowns We only value what is in our bank accounts Now we're asking, how did her birthday become the worst of days? Oh, shush, it's my song, I'm airing out If I die, none of them would miss me To them, I'm just silly old rich Bitsy Hold their noses up with their pinkies Prawns and caviar, starin' at my Renoir We came here to schmooze and glad-hand Compliment back-hand Seem friendly, then scoff and gossip That's how you live when you're rich and accomplished Oh, what kind of birthday is it? Oh, [?] my pain, Helen! Oh, they only came to visit Oh, they only came for one thing! Just to secure lucrative forms of business On my worst da-a-a-ay…
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