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Tune Into the Madness
by
Dan Bull
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Lyrics
Good evening, do you know any good monsters? Did you ever swerve your car at today's top speed Of thirty-five miles an hour into an automobile? Do you ever do the dishes for your wife? I should say not Mrs. Carter doesn’t really mind washing her teflon-coated pans New, vital and fashionable Fond of children? Well, it’s only natural Yes, you can’t get away from it There are branches everywhere And it’s safe? Yes, sir Deep down, down between the trees Nestled in the lеaves, gleams a TV screen Near a small lad sitting in thе tall grass It’s an odd transmission to be broadcast Listen as we talk dark thoughts and soar past The watershed line before your bedtime You’ll panic like a rabbit that is caught in headlights Reckon we’re manic? Of course, you’re dead right You better exercise more caution next time Or you’ll end up in tomorrow morning’s headlines Obituary, nothing more than "born and then died" And not a single family member or a friend cried Tune into the madness Tune into the madness, once more Tune into the madness Tune into the madness, encore This remarkable offer, the first and only one of its kind Delicious, nutritious breakfast cereals Shot from guns Yes, sir! You could buy eight additional teaspoons Oh, look who's come for tea, are you sitting comfortably? All of the children better sit still then ‘Cause when little kiddies fidget then I kill them Class is now in session, time you learned your lesson Stare into the glare until your mind is effervescent Bubbling the troubling, you'll find it less depressing Open up your eyes, you'll be surprised what you might let in The violent and the tragic, hiding in the static This silent, enigmatic child had better pack it in And leave the schedule to the grown-ups Revel in the pestilence Auntie Beeb throws up As a result of long continuing results in commercial explosives Pepsodent’s new, improved formula cleans teeth whiter than ever Mhm, it certainly does Tune into the madness Pictures handpicked to be sickening, queasy Tune into the madness Transfixed and bewitched by the flickering TV Up, hold up, don’t touch that dial Look at our isle of muck and bile With a saviour clad in a paper bag That must be one ugly child Gaze into the space between the pixels on the screen There, you’ll see a place between the signal and the screams Feel the oscillation of the crystal in your dreams Just switch off your brain and let it sizzle in the beams These scenes, some viewers may find disturbing Violent and unnerving, frighteningly alluring Slightly stomach churning, why would you be turning over? Oh, so many programs for discerning viewers Who are just like you Eyes locked to the box for the schlock like glue Shambling in their droves, scrambling their lobes Get mangled in the strobe ‘til you’re cross-eyed too Here’s a message to millions of people Who are continually pale and washed out, weak and run down All I do is bring you pounds and pounds of baby food Good, lean butcher’s steak, very satisfying cake Impress this fact upon mother Boys and girls have overactive oil glands Don’t say it like that! You’ll make her sound ungainly Tune into the madness Tubes swimming with miasmic blackness Tune into the madness Sit glued to your viewing apparatus Izzy, wizzy, let’s get busy Such a pity diddy kiddies threw a tizzy Don’t be silly, what’s the trouble, little Timmy? Itty-bitty nippers should be giddy for the TV Strange lights are disguised in the bright glare Daytime television’s hellish in the right mindset Too much time staring'll make your eyes square Any more, you’ll end up like that child there Can’t toggle off the gogglebox so pop another bottle top Top up your cup and sup the propaganda, prost, mazel tov They say it’s challenging to break a daily habit Pacified into paralysis, a state of telly addicts Maybe one day, the cathode rays will be chromatic Bringing colour to the pallor of the faces in the static Taking off the mask, my behaviour is erratic Claiming to be sane but I’m just asymptomatic Wait, did you hear that? Someone’s pacing in the attic What in the blazes could be making such a racket? Ooh, I say, you gave me a fright there I think I’m having another little nightmare Tune into the madness Urchins channel-surfing and subservient to the sadness Zoom in with the cameras Squirming as the sermon’s stirred into your hippocampus Cream Not a soap, not a liquid but a dainty cream It covers everything easily and beautifully And what an eyeful they’re going to get Mhm! Mhm-hm Feast your eyes 'til you’re anaesthetised Lead a peaceful life for the cheapest price No need to seek advice or plea to Jesus Christ In the deep of night, you’ll really see the light No one observes just how ominous the world is when monotonous Channelling the brightest minds Until they turn witless and ponderous Their alertness is interred in this infernalest sarcophagus The absurd and the preposterous, burned in by the phosphorus Uncertain what lurks under the surface of your consciousness? Observe it and you’ll learn that it’s perturbing Sick and monstrous, keep surfing through diversions Uma Therman’s new detergent Normal service will return after a word from our sponsors Ladies, what’s your problem? Gracious! I’ve nothing for the Johnson’s yet Keep calm, folks Buy the gifts that will look more expensive than they are Two-hundred different formulations of dynamite So powerful that it’ll kill a rat Press this secret button right here And an authentic western pistol pops out and fires Tune into the madness A bountiful lineup of schooling and comedy Huge wins at the Baftas Bound to be prizes when you’re every nominee Tune into the madness Tune into the madness, once more Tune into the madness Tune into the madness, encore No guest is ever really happy without the right kind of tea Well don’t keep staring at it, taste it Getting high on life could be habit-forming You just can’t grow up fast enough, can you?
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