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The Arch-Illager
by
Dan Bull
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I was born into a cruel and unforgiving nasty world That didn't want me They rejected, disrespected, scorned, and shunned me Cold and hungry, all I wanted was some company To be comfy, but to put it bluntly, they were being A bunch of considerably rude neighbors, so I gave up Then I stumbled on a bloody massive cave, look The doorway yawned awake slowly, I wasn't brave normally But a strange force was calling me And so with a flaming torch in hand, I made my way forward Though those serrated corners on the boulders made it awkward I gazеd on in awe, following a short reconnaissance I saw what lay bеfore me, it was called the Orb of Dominance It held sway over my thoughts, I gained confidence 'Til at once the commoners, no longer had my tolerance I am a small illager, the littlest around But now, I've got a small feeling I'm going to be well-endowed I am a small illager, my will, it stands proud Growing 'til I fit the throne, so hand me the crown Now bow down, show me the top of your head Hey, I said bow down! Else, I'll be dropping you dead! I am the arch-illager, and I will pillage your village until you Give in, so run you can't win if you stand in my path You'll get trampled like grass I see you haven't any heating, I can provide that No need to thank me, here's a torch, completely free of charge! I'll leave your family tree scorched, slashed with lethal steel shards! Oh, I see you're planning a resistance? If you're going to lead the charge, be advised, objects in your rear view appear large! Your mistake was thinking this a safe space for your opinions 'Til my minions chased you straight away from my dominion! So make haste, spread my covenant all across the kingdom I'm your new government, coming for more than just your income! You can try assembling a rebellion of adventurers It's never going to bother me, my friend, so don't pretend it does
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