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How to Shave
by
Dan Bull
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Lyrics
Hi I’m Dan Bull And I’m starting a feature called Rap School To help you learn the stuff no one’s teaching you at school So first let me take three minutes of your day And explain how to skilfully and brilliantly shave Oh, and by the way If you’ve already got a beard You may want to trim it first ‘Cause shaving it feels rather weird Now, choose a razor that suits it to your taste You don’t need to pay much to groom and smoothen up your face It could be basic, but make sure the blade is not serrated Replace it with a new one as soon as there’s a chafe I use one with at least a couple of blades; a double dose Now it’s time to get acquainted with the way your stubble grows Place a hand on your face and move Your fingers to your chin, the grain is smooth And when you slide them upwards, then you’ll find it’s rougher Now you’re going against the grain like a crop cutter Ha And now that you and your face have got to know each other It’s time to get it wet and wash that sucker Look A lot of people can’t be bothered with this bit But there’s a reason it’s good to get it smothered in liquid Imagine you’re a painter and your face is a canvas You want to make it blank before creating the grandness Yeah, you may be handsome but you’re no oil painting So wash the oil off with warm water from the basin
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