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Masturbitosis
by
Bo Burnham
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I’m the sexiest eukaryote alive. My mitochondria are so big and powerful. Look at my f**king Golgi apparatus. I f**king love it. Yeah, that’s it, Golgi. Keep pinching off lysosomes for me. I got such a sexy shade of cytoplasm and my f**king vacuoles mmmmmmm! Don’t get me started, oh my f**kkkinnggggmmmmmmmm. f**k, I can feel it in my nucleus. It feels so f**king good. Oh my god. I’m gonna make myself… I’m gonna… f**king Golgi! f**k! I’m gonna……. I’mmm gonnnnnnnnaaaa
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