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Dealbreaker
by
3st
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On the outside A lot of girls are perfect But you gotta dig Deeper than the surface 'Cause some girls got Real small flaws That turn into really big turnoffs For instance I knew this hot chick in college But each of her fingers Had a different nail polish We broke up 'cause I didn't want a hand job From a girl whose hands Are like a jumbled up crayon box I also dated this girl named Jen A textbook specimen She was a ten But she had a weird mole Smack dab in the middle of her cleavage So it looked like She had a third nipple You could be a model With a body so nice But if you've got a gambling problem? No dice You could be the sweetest eye candy But if you're a vegetarian You can't eat my man meat As for my current girl I love her very much But we're breaking up Because she doesn't let her foods touch And I know I'm getting Hung up on stupid sh*t But I can't go through with it Baby, that's a... Dealbreaker Girl, I won't like You looking mighty fine But you got baggage That you got to leave behind You got that hot stuff That makes the fellas sweat But your life's a f**king wreck I'm sorry baby That's a dealbreaker I'm hooking up With this hot chick I just met Take her to my place And get her undressed Shawty got more a** than I can manage Booty cheeks are bread 'Bout to make a d**k sandwich That's when I discover The tattoo on her lower back Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony Damn it! What does that say about her? Her judgement is a little bit impaired And I was not prepared Maybe it's temporary Maybe she was drunk What if she really likes that junk? And what does that say about me? I'm conflicted Cause I want to c*m on her a** But I don't want to c*m on her tat I wish that she'd have told me So I could have known before 'Cause I don't know Is that the same as Jacking off to pony p***? I'm totally torn I'm caught in a trap I knew I should have just Stayed home and fapped And while I'm thinking She said, "gimme that big d**k" And in that instant I know what my decision is "Uh, first... uh... Let me... Let me go take a sh*t real quick." I went to the bathroom And evacuated through the window Went home and masturbated Now every time I see an a** I get flashbacks She ruined booty for me Tragic to the maximum That's a... Dealbreaker Girl, I won't like You looking mighty fine But you got baggage That you got to leave behind You got that hot stuff That makes the fellas sweat But your life's a f**king wreck I'm sorry baby That's a dealbreaker Girls who are just my type Are kinda hard to meet So I made a dating page on eHarmony It's a great plan 'Cause if she got any dealbreakers I'mma know in advance Logging in like "Aw snap, I got a match!" She a redheaded actress With an immaculate a** I'm like, "Damn She the girl of my wet dreams." Slid into her DMs with my phone number And told her she should text me About a month goes by And we had talked a lot Then we finally met face to face In a coffee shop We sat and chatted for half an hour And then I thought I really like this girl But something's kinda off Is it her makeup? Nah, she on fleek Is it something with her eyes? Possibly That's when it clicked My heart started to sink This chick Doesn't Blink Like, at all And it's kinda freaking me out I can't get a read What is she thinking about? I can't tell She either wants to pounce me Or chop me up And use me as a subst**ute for ground beef I don't know what to do Do I reject her? Or spend the next several months Dating Hannibal Lecter And how is that possible? How does that not hurt her eyes? Wait, sh*t What if she's an alien in human disguise? That's when I notice No one has spoken in over a minute In this awkward moment We're totally frozen So I broke it By saying the only thing that I was able "Uh, how do you feel about a***?" She said, "That's kinda creepy to ask." I said, "Quit it b*t*h! I know you tryna probe my a**!" Then I ran out the building And didn't look back In my delusion I jumped to conclusions But if you ain't Blinking every few seconds You better get it corrected Or people gonna think You're an extraterrestrial And that's a... Dealbreaker Girl, I won't like You looking mighty fine But you got baggage That you got to leave behind You got that hot stuff That makes the fellas sweat But your life's a f**king wreck I'm sorry baby That's a Dealbreaker Girl, I won't like You looking mighty fine But you got baggage That you got to leave behind You got that hot stuff That makes the fellas sweat But your life's a f**king wreck I'm sorry baby That's a dealbreaker
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