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After Party
by
3st
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Whoo! Oh ho yeah! F**k yeah! That was amazing! Ah, but you know what? I'll tell you something That party was nothing What's gonna be even better though... The after party! Yeah boy! Yo, get in the van! Shotgun! Guys, shut the f**k up real quick Shut up Alright yo So I met this girl at... At the club, right? And yo She gave me a sip of her drink, right? And then told me She was gonna S my D At the after party? Yeah boy! Yo bruh! Aw, my d**k's gonna-- Yo, you drive man Alright yeah You gotta f**king get us there As quick as possible Hop in that driver's seat Alright alright I'm going How is it possible That Brandon's getting sh*t And we're not, Saverio? Well no But dude Did you... I'm telling you, like Did you see that one girl at the party? She had like, the nicest a** On the block Ah, dude It was like a venn diagram That didn't overlap at all Yeah, that's kind of A weird f**king a***ogy but... Unbelievable Wait wait... Brandon, you good? You alright, dude? We need to go back! What, did you forget something? Did you leave your phone? You leave you dignity behind or something? We need To go back Whoah, dude! Slow the hell down! Whoah, whoah! Hey, hey, hey! Let's f**king go! I gotta bring this b*t*h... I gotta bring this b*t*h Up to eighty-eight! We're going back in time! Motherf**kers! Whoah! *Dinosaur noises Oh my f**k! Where are we? A second ago We had just left the party But now we're in the middle Of the goddamn rainforest! Hey Brandon You think you could explain for us? I transformed the Toyota Into a temporal time traveling taxi Are you telling me You actually blasted our a**es Back to the late cretaceous? Exactly! This is gonna be a ton of fun! No, this is bad! What have you done? Psh, you guys are overreacting What? Like, what's the worst that could happen? Um, we could get eaten Or fall into a sink hole! Or we could get eaten Or we could be killed in A volcanic eruption or something! Did I mention the fact That we might get eaten? Take us home Right now Oh my god You guys are pusses F**k you! Uh oh, guys? What? I think I see a dinosaur Hiding in the bushes A d-d-dinosaur? Come on, how can you be sure? *menacing shriek Aw sh*t, we're screwed! I don't wanna die, dude What do we do? I saw this in a movie With Jeff Goldblum They can't see us If we don't move *suspicious shriek Oh Jesus, I think she sees us We've been detected! Okay, this wasn't effective I think I've got a better idea Do tell Plan B: run like hell! Get back to the time machine! It's our only hope to escape! I hop in the driver's seat Now I'm digging through my pockets To find the key Wait, Brandon has the key! Looks like we're not leaving 'Cause he's outside of the car And he's about to get eaten! He's standing there frozen Why isn't he moving? Brandon, what the f**k are you doing? I've seen spectacular racks And ma**ive a** On the p***ographic actresses But nothing matches this attractiveness I'm kind of bored with grimy w****s But what lies before me, I adore Time to make this dinosaur's V***** sore I'm erectile for this reptile This c*ck of mine has been fossilized This chick's about to get sodomized That's the bottom line No compromise She looking at me with that Hungry look in her eyes I call that dino cleavage the great valley 'Bout to f**k the land before time I'mma get my bone stuck In that pu**y like a tar pit I swear she fly like a pterodactyl F**k Aladdin and his magic carpet She could show you A whole new Jura**ic World Like my homie Chris Pratt did She got that Kardashian status 'Cause she put the a** in jura**ic I'm horny like a triceratops And this lizard is giving me sweet sex My d**k's the f**king king That's why she call me D-Rex From the way that she slobbing my sausage I know she a carnivore She a meat eater And I'mma smash that vag into extinction As if my p*n*s was a meteor Oh hey, look at that A meteor This isn't good Oh my god we're gonna die Oh my god we're gonna die Oh my god we're gonna die Oh my god we're gonna die Oh my god we're gonna die Oh my god we're gonna die Oh my god we're gonna die Oh my god we're gonna die Sorry to c*ck block But we gotta dip! That thing is coming With the dinosaur apocalypse! We're gonna die Unless we get back to the present! Wait! For what? I can't leave her Ugh, I get it You think with your d**k And she blew your mind But your life is on the line! You gotta leave her behind! She's just a ride! But this one is different though! Sh*t Did you catch feels from a lizard hoe? Yes! Ugh! It's true! She and I are in love! I hate to be the party pooper Defecating on your celebration But it's literally raining hell from above! The gas in the atmosphere is burning I imagine the planet will be Turning into ashes pretty rapidly It's tragic and disturbing But that is gonna happen to us too Unless we act fast So hurry! No, I won't leave Unless we take her with us! She'll fit in the back seat! Twenty-sixteen is already a disaster The last thing we need is Hashtag dino lives matter She's not coming with us Then neither am I What are you, nuts? Brandon, you will die! I know But at least I will meet my demise With the love of my life at my side Fine! But if you don't mind Could you at least give us They key to the time machine? Here, take it! Thank you! Hurry, we're running out of time! If we go now, we might still make it! Until we get to the present We're not safe Pedal to the metal Tryna get up to eighty-eight We're yelling out the window As we're making our getaway F**k you Brandon! We never liked you anywa-- Well, this is it Time to face my maker And even in the shade of death My love makes me feel safer 'Cause I know, in a better world I'll see her face again So we can f**k like-- Oh f**k! I'm burning! Holy sh*t! Ah! Oh my god! Holy jesus f**k! Oh my god! Come on, dude Brandon, wake up! Wake up! There you go How you doing, buddy? Yeah, man Where am I? You're in the hospital dude You've been in the hospital for a while Oh yeah man You were pretty messed up Where is she? Where's who? The girl from the party? No damn it, the dinosaur! Where is she? Oh well She didn't look like a dinosaur, dude She was kinda hot But no, they... They threw her in jail, dude Whatever the heck She gave you at the party She spiked that sh*t What? It was messed up Uh, wait wait wait w-- What happened? Well, so you were drugged up Behind the wheel On the way to the after party You were doing eighty-eight In a residential zone Yeah, you were speeding You flew through the windshield No, no, no You almost killed us It was like the apocalypse out there No, no, no! Guys, guys! I f**ked this really hot dinosaur! That's what actually happened! No, dude. None of that happened No, anything that you think just happened Was incited by a terrible head injury And a ton of drugs No! Hey Hey hey hey! Hey! Brandon, Brandon Come on, come on now No! If it makes you feel any better There's plenty of dinosaur p*** On the internet Really? Yeah, rule thirty-four I think I'm gonna be okay
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